Good Ol'-Fashioned Saturday Night Wrasslin'

Hey it's time for my monthly pro-wrestling post that no one is going to read! ☺

This past Saturday I headed down to the local Knights of Columbus hall with my father-in-law to check out our local indy wrestling promotion, Capital City Championship Combat (C*4 for short). It was a night of laughs, thrills, poutine and watching athletic young men try to kill themselves for the enjoyment of a handful of people.

Now, those of you with limited knowledge of pro-wrestling have likely heard of World Wrestling Entertainment, also known simply as WWE, and formerly the World Wrestling Federation (which was changed to avoid confusing all those poor pandas).

Any excuse I can find to use this image.

What you may not know is that not all pro-wrestlers compete for this huge, billion-dollar multi-national corporation, because WWE is not the only company in the business, not by a long shot. Not only are there several other companies in the US alone with major TV deals (including the incredible Lucha Underground, which is available on Netflix!), but there are literally hundreds of smaller companies operating across North America, running local shows in high school gyms, barns, parking lots, bars, circus tents, veteran association halls and yes, even church basements and the Knights of Columbus. Basically anywhere you can squeeze in a wrestling ring.

These small, often low-budget affairs feature a wide range of talent, ranging from pasty, awkward kids with no training up to international stars who are considered by those in the business as some of the best performers in the world. Not to mention washed-up stars from yesteryear, guys who were on TV for the WWF back in the 80s, now in their 60s, still making the rounds and trying to make a payday on their past glories. Who shows up all depends on what the promoter can afford and what the audience is willing to pay.

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, who was WWF Intercontinental Champion in the 1980s, now 65 years old and looks like he died ten years ago. He wrestled as recently as last month and has matches booked through the summer. Has anyone seen Mickey Rourke in the "The Wrestler?"

Some small towns run shows with just local kids who barely know how to fall without hurting themselves in front of audiences of a dozen people. In big markets like Los Angeles, some of these "independent" shows gain cult followings, drawing thousands of people and even attracting big name celebrities to the audience. In every case though, the local Saturday night wrestling show is a cultural event, a special attraction that draws a certain community together. In that way it's like any sport or performance, except the audience is very small and very niche. Those who love it adore it, and those who don't think it's stupid. It's like a lot of obsessive fandoms in that way.

C*4 Wrestling in Ottawa runs monthly shows in front of packed houses of 300-400 people. The wrestlers are usually on the higher end of quality, featuring mostly local talent from Eastern Canada and the North Eastern US, we're just lucky that most of those guys happen to be pretty good. They also sometimes bring in bigger names or guys on the cusp of hitting in big, like Kevin Steen before he became world champion Kevin Owens in WWE, or The Young Bucks just as they were becoming an international sensation and a mainstay in Japan.

The aforementioned Kevin Steen, about to be hit in the face with a fan's shoe by Michael Elgin at C*4 Wrestling. 

Photo credit: Ottawa Citizen

Because the small hall is so packed, the wrestlers often end up right in the audience faces, and if you're sitting in the first four-or-five rows you have to be constantly on the alert to jump out of the way if a wrestler falls (or jumps) out of the ring into your lap. It's all part of the charm. The guys in the ring are working hard to entertain the audience, whether through jokey comedy bits, high-flying, gymnastic acrobatics, or old-fashioned tough-guy slugfests. Because it's so intimate the wrestlers can interact more directly with the crowd, playing with them and off them, and it's a very different experience than watching it on TV or even live in an arena with thousands of people.

Respect to @kobedurst for taking this wicked bump at @C4Wrestling this past weekend! pic.twitter.com/LMQlhTJ43V

— Rob Poirier (@RobFeature) June 21, 2017

You thought I was kidding about people nearly killing themselves?

My father-in-law and I love hitting the show when we can because it's a chance to get out of the house and have a laugh and a fun night out for just twenty bucks plus the price of french fries. It's way more intimate and entertaining, for significantly less money, than going to a WWE show or an Ottawa Senators game. And how often in an NHL game do you have a sweaty player land in the seat next to you, stop to take a selfie, then hop back on the ice to keep playing without missing a beat?

Also, the NHL doesn't have Space Monkeys.

Photo Credit: Me

I'm not going to convince anyone who thinks wrestling is stupid to become a fan with this post, But I will urge you, if you ever get a chance to watch an independent wrestling show at your local high school or bar, consider taking a chance on a different kind of night out. Independent pro wrestlers are much like independent musicians, writers or stand-up comics - they're just regular people, trying to live their dream and make a living doing something they love. They're not making big money but they love entertaining their fans, and some are very, very good at what they do. Give them a chance. I promise they will literally put their bodies on the line to show you a good time.

Local Ottawa-area favourite and male stripper, Sexxxy Eddy. He'll show you a whole different kind of good time.

Photo credit: Ottawa Citizen

Indian-Canadian Jinder Mahal Wins the WWE World Heavyweight Title

On May 21, Jinder Mahal defeated Randy Orton to become the 50th WWE World Heavyweight Champion, as well as the first-ever WWE World Champion of Indian descent. Billed from "Punjab, India," before his shocking upset win last week, Mahal was best known for wearing a turban to the ring and speaking punjabi in his interviews (well, besides a brief-stint when he wore leather pants and was part of a comedy rock trio with a Scottish guy and a ginger trailer park redneck - wrestling is weird). Wearing foreign clothes and speaking a foreign language has been a surefire way to make a wrestling villain for decades, ever since we had German Nazi wrestlers after World War II and Soviet Russians during the Cold War. There was also a period in the mid-2000s when they tried it with Middle-Eastern terrorists, but that went over really badly.

What is my point, besides the fact that wrestling is terribly racist? Like most of his villainous predecessors, Jinder Mahal is not quite what he seems. Like infamous Nazi wrestler Hans Schmidt and Soviet Ivan Koloff, Jinder Mahal is actually from Canada.

Ivan Koloff, born Oreal Perras, from Ottawa, Ontario. Maybe wrestling is just racist against Canadians?

Born Raj Singh Dhesi in Calgary, Alberta in 1986. Unlike his predecessors, at least Mahal is actually of Punjabi-Indian descent (Hans Schmidt - real name Guy Larose - was Quebecois). His uncle is Gama Singh, another famous Indian wrestler, and one of his first trainers along with Bad News Allen, a famous African-American wrestler who made his home in Calgary. With that kind of lineage, Mahal started off his career on the right foot. He began training in 2002 at just 16 years old and joined the big leagues, World Wrestling Entertainment, in 2011. From the start, he always played up his Indian heritage, because it was a simple (again, racist) gimmick that made it easy for people to boo him.

I'm sure it was those early lessons from Gama and Bad News that guided the young Mahal's decisions. Gama also played up his Indian heritage, and Bad News was famous for playing a streetwise black brawler from the  New York (to be fair, he actually was a streetwise black brawler from New York - but also an Olympic medalist in Judo). Both went far with their stereotypes, but neither made it to quite the height of Mahal's recent success.

Critical to Jinder's success is his supernatural quantity of veins.

We all know that pro-wrestling is scripted, and that champions are chosen not necessarily because of their skill but because they can make their company money. There have been criticisms that Mahal is just a mediocre wrestler with a boring, old-fashioned character, but obviously the WWE sees something in him. It's true that the last year he has worked his ass off, getting into incredible shape and throwing himself fully into whatever he's asked to do. But there are plenty of guys in that boat, what makes Jinder so special?

I'll give you a clue: It rhymes with 1.3 billion people in India.

WWE is a global business. While it's a house-hold name in North America and most of Europe, it's always trying to get into new markets, especially the huge, untapped markets of India and China. India loves professional wrestling. Western wrestling shows there are rare, but always play to enormous crowds. WWE recently signed a new TV deal to bring their product directly into Indian homes, but they needed a face that the population could relate to and get behind.

Hello, Jinder.

There are also rumours he got a raise for nearly taking off an Irishman's head with an elbow.

Mahal is very aware of his position, and why he's being pushed in the direction he's going. He was in the right place at the right time, but he worked hard to be in that place, in order to get that lucky break. Wrestling works like most other types of show business. At the same time, though, he's also acutely aware that he's now a role model for Indian kids around the world, and even if he's playing a villain on TV, he wants to take that position seriously and show his heritage proudly. Hell, even though he's a villain in the US, it's quite possibly he'll get cheered overseas for beating up Americans.

Even Canada is proud of their new champion. The Legislative Assembly of Alberta took a moment last week to actually congratulate their native-born son on his big win.

Pictured: Not the Legislative Assembly of Alberta.

Will the WWE make Mahal's reign something memorable and significant? Or will he be just another cowardly foreign bad guy, looking like a chump in every match and just keeping the belt warm until another the next smiling (American) hero comes along to defeat him? History would suggest that it's probably the latter. Despite claiming to be a global phenomenon, the WWE is not known for its delicate handling of the international superstars. Take their last big Indian "star" wrestler, The Great Khali (Dalip Singh Rana). A legitimate huge name and famous movie star in his homeland (as well as appearing in big films in the US like The Longest Yard and Get Smart), in the WWE he was treated as a complete joke because he was awkward and talked funny.

Here's Khali is in a comedy team with a midget and the farting woman (no seriously, that was her gimmick). In wrestling, being foreign, small or a woman are all fair game for mockery.

Who knows. The WWE has struggled recently to become more responsible and less offensive, not just because they're targeting global markets but because it's goddamn 2017. This is not a 1950s Southern country fair. Some of the folks in charge keep forgetting that.

So good luck, Jinder, with overcoming decades of discrimination and oppression. Maybe you'll be the one to finally break through and prove that a "foreign" (again, Canadian) guy can go far in this wrestling business. As long as you keep putting on those awesome Bollywood-style dance shows, we'll be behind you.

Interview with Comic Fantasy Writer and Former Pro-Wrestler, Philip Overby

Philip Overby is many things. He's a self-published author and the Godfather of Splatter Elf, who has a new book out right now! He's also the co-host of the always wonderful and informative Grim Tidings Podcast, an engaging interview-style program where he and fellow host Rob Matheny speak to authors, editors, agents, publishers and all plethora of folks in the fantasy and sci-fi industry, especially those purveyors of all things Grimdark.

But do you know what doesn't get spoken about enough? Philip's former career as professional wrestler, "Phil the Drill."

Phil is doing the rounds right now promoting his new Splatter Elf book, One Goblin Army, but when I knew I had a chance to ask him a few questions, I insisted they be about wrestling. You can read about Philip's writerly pursuits and One Goblin Army elsewhere, but no where else will you get the inside scoop on the life of a small-time professional wrestler!

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So how does one get into pro-wrestling? Did you start off in a backyard? Did you go to some kind of semi-reputable school?

I did actually start doing backyard stuff with some friends and my brother. It was fun beating up my brother, but we were really rough on each other. I think I shaved a few years off my life doing the backyard wrestling. It's mostly important to not do anything too stupid. Later on I worked with some local wrestling promotions to get training. Again, I'd recommend finding a reputable school whenever getting into wrestling. Not just for safety but people running a school for a long time usually have good reputations for teaching all types of skills you need.

Why did you get into wrestling? Were you an athlete or a theatre nerd in high school?

Probably like most people that I loved it growing up. I saw a window to get into it and I jumped at it. I never really expected for anything to happen. Yeah, I did church plays when I was really young and always liked being a character.

Mr. The Drill in all his glory.

Tell us about your first match.

No one's first match is ever great really, but I won. I think I did like twenty DDTs with no psychology whatsover and I was wearing a what looked like pajama pants and an AC/DC shirt. I looked like a typical dumbass with no gear on. In retrospect, I should have gotten gear from the beginning, but like a lot of dudes that get into wrestling as a hobby, I just rocked up in whatever shit I had. Later I learned my lesson, but in the beginning I looked like a doofus.

I know you worked mostly heel (ie, he played the villain character). Tell me about making people hate you. I know you're dying to tell a story about kids spitting on you.

I don't really know how to describe my early character, but the closest thing to a current wrestler would be maybe Joey Ryan's sleazeball vibe. I was heavily inspired by the more flamboyant characters like Gorgeous George and Adrian Adonis. Now that I'm more aware of him, if you watch videos of Jimmy Del Ray from the Heavenly Bodies, it was very much like that. I was always dancing really sleazy and of course my body was not great, so it made people hate me more.

For reference, this is Joey Ryan. Phil willingly compares himself to this guy.

One show we did, I was a lumberjack in the main event and I kept feeling something wet hitting my back. There were kids spitting on me. They remembered me from my match earlier in the night and decided to welcome me back to ringside. I had people threaten to fight me in the parking lot and one time a kid pushed me off the turnbuckle when I was about to do a move. Since these shows had shitty security, nothing happened.

I was strict with kayfabe at shows. Meaning if I was a heel, I was a heel. One kid asked me for an autograph once and I said "If you give me twenty dollars." He offered to give me some necklace he had and I said "I don't want that." As a person, it still makes me feel bad. But as a character, it made sense.

What was your finishing move?

The move I used the most in the beginning was the Drill Bit, which was Victoria's Widow's Peak move. Later on I developed some other movies such as Secret Tiger Death Crank, which was just a headlock and the Reverse Frog Splash, which was just a frog splash that I did backwards.

BTW, this is the Widow's Peak. I really hope Phil got some decent training so he didn't kill anyone with this. 

What was the worst/weirdest/dumbest character/wrestler/gimmick you encountered?

My character was pretty weird as it went through different phases. I was teamed up with Crazy Charlie and we were called Beauty and the Beast. We were probably the strangest pairing in terms of characters, but our chemistry worked well because we loved to antagonize people. Often we wouldn't even care about the moves in the match, but would be more concerned with what were were going to yell at people. One time we won the tag team championships for a promotion and did like a ten minute celebration. People were really annoyed.

What was favourite match/best moment?

I did a No DQ type of match before I left to come to Japan. This was when I had turned babyface at one promotion. I had kind of the Damien Sandow/Heath Slater vibe in that I was entertaining and got beat so often that I actually got over that way. After the match, the fans were chanting my name and it was a cool send-off. Winning championships is always fun as well because it means the promotion thinks you're good enough to represent them in some capacity.

How long did you wrestle? Why did you hang up the boots?

I wrestled when I was older, so I only worked for maybe five or six years off and on. Mostly I just quit wrestling because I moved away from the U.S. Wrestling in Japan would have been a dream come true, but my body was already beat to shit by then. Wrestling in Japan isn't a good idea if you're already beat to shit.

Do you follow wrestling in Japan? Ever attend any big Tokyo Dome/Sumo Hall shows?

I used to go to Wrestle Kingdom every year at the Tokyo Dome when I first moved to Japan. I think I went three or four years in a row. It became a tradition. Then I started to do so many other things, I didn't have time to go anymore. I'd still love to go to shows every so often, but it's been a few years now. Some of the best wrestling I've ever seen live was at the Tokyo Dome. Kota Ibushi vs. Prince Devitt (Finn Balor) still stands out as the most amazing match I've seen live. I've seen New Japan, DDT, NOAH, and ZERO-1 live. New Japan was always my go-to promotion.

Do you still follow American wrestling? What pisses you off the most about wrestling today?

I still follow it but I wouldn't say I watch it regularly anymore. I actually think NXT is must watch TV for wrestling fans. I've seen some incredible matches and storylines on that program. Wrestling is one of those things I stopped nit-picking. It's like reading books or watching movies or whatever. Some of it really stands out as amazing and some just isn't for me. I seek out the wrestling that appeals to me and I skip the things I don't like. I haven't watched Lucha Underground, but it sounds like a cool way to present wrestling that makes it stand out. I also like the trainwreck appeal of what Matt Hardy's doing right now with matches like the Final Deletion. His character Broken Matt Hardy is unique and weird, just the type of character that made wrestling fun when I was a kid.

Any chance we'll ever see wrestling-themed fiction from you?

I actually wrote a story not long ago that features a monster wrestler. It hasn't found a home yet, but it could be appearing somewhere soon-ish. I've also wanted to just write a straight-up wrestling story one of these days, but I wouldn't want it to be a typical story. It would have to be weird. And bloody. Maybe even be based in Japan?

Who is your all time favourite wrestler?

I have so many favorites, but if you ask me right now, today I'd say Shinsuke Nakamura. To me he's the perfect blend of entertaining and brutal. He's got that quality about him that makes you excited to see his matches. If I go back and look at a wrestler I've enjoyed consistently since I was young, I'd say The Rock because, like Nakamura, he was good at everything.

Gotta agree with Phil on this one, not many guys could pull this off.

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Phil's new book, One Goblin Army, is available now at Amazon along with all the Splatter Elf stories. I highly recommend you give them a try. Here are some helpful places you can find Mr. The Drill online:

HOMEPAGE/BLOG: http://PhilipOverby.com

TWITTER: http://twitter.com/Philip_Overby

SPLATTER ELF PAGE: http://facebook.com/splatterelf

GRIM TIDINGS PODCAST: http://facebook.com/thegrimtidingspodcast

AMAZON: https://www.amazon.com/Philip-Overby/e/B00P588ETQ

Grinner, the goblin with the fancy teeth, wants his damn money and he's not going to let some bastard wizard run away with it. Katzia of Clovenhoof, the part-time monster hunter and full-time sword enthusiast, is kidnapped in order to help capture the ever-elusive monster Tundertum. In the chaotic, grotesque art project that is the city of Phlegm, Grinner and Katzia encounter mercenaries, warlocks, a cursed accountant with maggoty powers, and other dangers all while seeking out the one weapon that can stop the rampaging Tundertum: the blood-drinking chainsaw known as Manglesaw.


This story is for mature audiences due to naughty language, blood, guts, and other fun stuff!

BUY ONE GOBLIN ARMY NOW!

Ten Things Books Have Made Me Want To Do or Learn About After Reading Them

Have you ever read a book that made you go: "Huh, that's cool, I'd like to know more about that."  Maybe it's skydiving, maybe it's an ancient language, maybe it's just walking through the gawddang wilderness for months like in Lord of the Rings. Books are supposed to whisk you away to other worlds, to drop you into the drama and action, so of course in this imaginary world you could picture yourself doing different or interesting things. 

Here are a few of those things I wanted to try:

(Credit for the list idea goes to The Broke and the Bookish blog)

10. Sword smithing

The Complete Book of Swords by Fred Saberhagen

Now, this is a fantasy novel so I'm sure the depiction of smithing is way off. And the blacksmiths involved all end up suffering terrible, grim fates. And I know I couldn't actually forge a sword with god-like power. But damn, I still want to forge my own sword. You could also add Highlander 3 as an inspiration to bend melted metal into sharp shapes.

9. Apocalypse Prepping

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

Brooks is so logical and matter-of-fact about the whole thing, OF COURSE I should go out and stockpile weapons and food. It's not a matter of "IF" the zombies will rise, but "WHEN."

8. Visit England

Pillars of the Earth / World Without End by Ken Follett

I almost said "build a cathedral," but I would be content with just visiting them. I would be pretty happy to see just about any part of Europe, really. History in North America is great and all, but I want to see buildings that are a thousand years old. I imagine building a castle or cathedral would be really hard, anyway.

7. Brush up on my art history

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

I took a few art history courses in university, but I wish I could take more time and explore it more, particularly visiting some museums or even overseas (see item 8 above) to see first hand all the stuff we were talking about in those gawdawful boring lectures. I guess I could also see them in The Da Vinci Code movie, but I don't think I could look at Tom Hanks' terrible haircut for two hours.

6. Bookbinding

Bookbinding Materials and Techniques, 1700-1920 by Margaret Lock

This one's cheating a bit because I already wanted to learn more about bookbinding, that's the reason I read the book. I've always been fascinated with how books are made and have tried my hand a few times, but I've never had access to the full array of tools and equipment to do it properly. To be honest, I would probably just end up hurting myself, but I still gotta give it a go, you know?

5. Write a quasi-historical epic of Newfoundland

As Near to Heaven by Sea: A History of Newfoundland and Labrador by Kevin Major

Newfoundlanders are far more proud of their history than most Canadians. It's no surprise that when this series of provincial histories was released in the early 2000s, the Newfoundland edition sold 3-5 times as many copies as any other in the series, despite being one of the smallest provinces. I think there's definitely a place for a big fictional epic; I'm just torn on whether it should lean more to the historical side or the fantastic.

4. Punch Robert Jordan in the Balls

Lord of Chaos by Robert Jordan

Not to speak ill of the dead, but to be fair Jordan was still alive when I read this book. I got through six volumes of the Wheel of Time and just had to give up. It's a cool world with lots of great ideas, but the books are just waaaaaay too long. Nothing happens for the first 400-500 pages of each book (besides summarizing the previous book). I blame the Wheel of Time (and Christopher Paolini) for my distaste of traditional fantasy fiction these days. 

3. Write a better zombie RPG

Dead Reign RPG by Kevin Siembeida

There are lots of great zombie-themed RPGs out there, but Dead Reign was the first I bought, and I was hugely disappointed by cavernous gulf between the great premise of the idea and the godsmackingly-terrible execution of it. I had to completely rewrite the rules to make something playable out of it, not realizing at the time there were lots of other options available.

2. Become a professional wrestler

A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex by Chris Jericho

I kinda always wanted to be a professional wrestler, but next to everyone else's books, which are usually about drug abuse and failed marriages and suicide attempts, Jericho's first memoir makes wrestling seem like a joy. His stories are so fun and hilarious, it makes professional wrestling seem like a GREAT idea.

1. Learn more about Canadian History

Hell Comes to Hogtown by C.D. Gallant-King

Yes, this is a cheap plug for my own book. Yes, I think you should buy it and read it right away. And no, it doesn't really have anything to do with Canadian history. I did, however, have to look up a number of minor things as I was writing it to check some facts, and I found numerous stories I would love to know more about, and maybe even fictionalize some day. 

(Also, you should totally pick this one up.)

Top Ten Tuesday is an original feature/weekly meme created at The Broke and the Bookish in June 2010. Check it out right here: http://www.brokeandbookish.com/p/top-ten-tuesday-other-features.html

Pay it Forward: Just Buy Something

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you'll know I've been hawking my book like an old-timey carnival game barker. Kinda makes me wish I had some kind of carny scam to trick people into buying it (BUY THIS BOOK: IT CURES BALDNESS!)

Of course, if you spend more than 30 seconds on Twitter, you will run into someone trying to sell you something. It's like a Moroccan marketplace, but instead of carpets and chickens, you have skeevy corporations selling insurance and terrible app companies using Kate Upton's boobs to sell terrible mobile games. But a very large portion of the wall of social media marketing is every day folks like you and me just trying to sell their shit.

Seriously Machine Zone, you're making boobs annoying. Stop it.

In this day and age, it is very, very easy for anyone to put content out there. Whatever your desired oeuvre - writing, visual art, music, games, film, design, performance, professional wrestling, explicit sex puppetry - there are channels out there to get your work out quickly and usually cheaply. We are living in a utopia of do-it-yourself artists where everyone can create and no one is getting paid.

And there's the rub. Because there's SO much content out there, it's impossible for everything to get an audience and be read/watched/consumed by more than 3 people. In such an open, cutthroat market you would think the best would rise to the top - but really it's more of a case of who's the most willing to put the work in to market the hell out of their content to get it in front of as many eyes as possible. They will put their time, energy, blood, tears and usually money to become a marketing machine to sell themselves. That's how this business works.

I'm not here to tell you how to market your book/game/end table. There are literally millions of websites out there eager to instruct you on the dark seedy side of Internet publicity. I'm here today to tell you let someone's marketing work on you. 

Told ya.

I know, it's hard. We as a culture have gotten very good at ignoring Facebook ads and clicking "Skip" on Youtube as fast as humanly possible. But what if that poor sap who's made that ad is like you? Just a regular Joe or Joe-sephine(?) sitting at home juggling a day job and kids and trying to make it in the heartless world of music/film/Ren-Faire jewelry? Whenever you click publish on your material you hope other people give you a chance. Do you in turn give that chance to others?

Maybe it's just the circles I travel in, but it struck me the other day how I've been surrounded by independent artists of all kinds my entire adult life, all of them trying unbelievably hard to make it in their chosen fields.

I've seen actors stripped naked yelling at audiences, baring their souls in tiny theatres with only three people in the audience.

I've seen 3-part, 500-page-per book series that obviously took years of work sit on Amazon with a sales rank of #500,000 with no reviews.

I've seen professional wrestlers throwing themselves face-first on concrete floors trying to make a highlight reel to show someone who might hire them for more than $20 a night.

WARNING: NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH

Do not watch this video if you are easily disturbed by independent wrestlers nearly breaking their necks to entertain 100 people for 25 bucks. Good news is that he made a full recovery and continued doing equally stupid shit in the ring.

I've seen role-playing game books and supplements with beautiful art, excellent layout and hundreds of pages of content sitting idle on DriveThruRPG with comments like "That's kinda expensive for a PDF..."

I've seen bands travel hundreds of miles, play shows in dirty bars that don't even pay enough for their gas, then give away CD's they couldn't afford to make, just to get their name out there.

Do you support any of those people? Pick up a book, back a Kickstarter, buy a ticket? I know I don't always support as much as I should. But after three weeks of watching practically non-existent sales reports on my own self-published book, I realized that the authors of those books I laughed at or brushed off are probably feeling the same way.

I admit, this is one of the books I laughed at.

I bought a $5 friggin' drink from Starbucks last week. I could probably have bought a couple of ebooks for that price. Even if I only read the first chapter of each and they were both terrible, that still would have provided me more entertainment (and fodder for stories and blog posts) than a cup of ice and coffee I drank in 20 minutes then promptly forgot.

And you know what? I probably would have made that writer's day. It certainly would have  had more of an effect on him or her than to the board of director's of Starbucks.

So yeah, I just picked up an RPG book by a friend of a friend as well as threw a few bucks at a Kickstarter run by another acquaintance. It means I won't be buying a venti Frappucino on Friday, but that's okay. My local barrista's a bit of a jerk anyway.

Wait, what if he's a self-published writer, too?

Shit...

11 Lessons Learned from the A-to-Z Blogging Challenge

LESSON #1: Don't commit to blogging every day for a month two weeks after you wife has a baby.

LESSON #2: Cheat. Write all the blog posts a month BEFORE the baby is born.

LESSON #3: Check out all the blogs around yours on the A-to-Z list to find other blogs to follow.

LESSON #4: Don't follow any of them because they were all either spam or didn't actually continue past Day 1 (or even make it TO Day 1).

LESSON #5: Return the comments of anyone and everyone who comments on your blog.

LESSON #6: Don't just click on their name then try and find their Google+ page and scroll through it trying to find a gawddang link. It's maddening and a waste of time. See Lesson #7

LESSON #7: Add all the blogs you plan to follow and comment on to your Reading List in Blogger. It keeps everything in one handy-dandy location.

LESSON #8: If you find a blog you enjoy and you visit and comment regularly, yet they never return the visit or even reply to your comments, screw them. You ain't got time for that. (I wish I could be nicer but my time was REALLY limited this year)

LESSON #9: Figure out how to remove blogs from your Blogger Reading List (see Lesson #8 above). When you do, tell me how to do it because I still haven't figured it out.

LESSON #10: Meet some nice people. Be polite. Make friends. Exchange pleasantries and Twitter handles.

LESSON #11: Don't visit Tumblr. Like, ever. This is both a A-to-Z Blogging Tip as well as a helpful life lesson.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

On your way out, please enjoy this animated GIF of Kenny Omega wrestling a 9-year old girl.

Characters You've Never Heard Of: K.D. BACCHUS

FATHER ROBERT: What in the world...

[The "nun" whips off her habit, revealing the battered, bruised K.D. Bacchus beneath.  He's still shirtless, dressed in his black tights and wrestling boots.  His blond hair is matted with blood, but he's smiling like an idiot.  He grabs the priest's hand and shakes it vigorously.]

BACCHUS: Father Bob! Pleasure to meet you!  The sisters told me so much about you.

FATHER ROBERT: What is the meaning of this!?

MOTHER SARAH: He was a kind, lost soul we picked up in the chaos of the mob, Father.  It was only Christian for us to lend him a helping hand.

FATHER ROBERT: Don't you think it's rather unseemly for a bus full of sisters to be traveling with a... [He looks Bacchus up and down, appraising him.] handsome, sweaty half-naked man?

MOTHER SARAH: But Father, he is the guardian angel I told you about it!  He helped protect us more than once as we made our way through the riot.  We only dressed him in the habit to sneak him across the border, as he lost his belongings and identification in the chaos.

BACCHUS: Don't worry, Padre, I repaid the sister's Christian charity ten fold, believe me.

[The nuns shuffle their feet.  Someone giggles.]

FATHER ROBERT: Son, we do not expect repayment for... wait, what are you talking about?

BACCHUS: Don't judge them too harshly, Bobby. Most of these women haven't been with a man in years, if ever.  After being stuck on a bus with such a fine specimen as myself for hours, I'm sure even big J.C. would approve of what happened.

[The nuns look really embarrassed now.  One of them hides her face.  All of them look down at the ground.  Several are praying, but the giggles are now growing louder, too.]

FATHER ROBERT:  Are you... are you implying you had relations with the sisters?

BACCHUS: I know you might find it hard to believe, but there are real women under those shapeless dresses.  You've probably forgotten what to do with them after all these years, but if you just pretend they're altar boys...

FATHER ROBERT:  ALL OF THEM??

BACCHUS: No, no, not quite.  Sister Nicola isn't into sausage, but fortunately Sister Eleanor swings both ways, so she took care of her and I just watched.

* * * 

Two fake wrestlers in a row, but that's just the way the letters fell.

K.D. Bacchus is one of my favourite characters, period. He's another classic example of "asshole done good," but he's played the range from villain to hero depending on the situation. No matter what the incarnation though, he's always a self-centered, oblivious, narcissistic drug- and sex-addict. He's over the top and self-destructive, but he has a good side that makes him lovable in a frustrating way.

He's the kinda guy you either want to f*ck or punch in the face.

He can go either way.

The excerpt above if when he snuck aboard a bus full of nuns to escape a riot after a wrestling show. He's had a violent, mortal feud with another wrestler when Bacchus left his dog with the other guy's girlfriend and then the guy gave it to his grandmother to take care of. Bacchus got the dog back but was incensed that it smelled like old lady. He also went through a phase where he was obsessed with bedding Kate Middleton, and may or may not be the father of Prince George.

His issues seem to stem from his family problems. His mother died when he was young and his father kicked him out of the house. He traveled the world learning his trade as a wrestler but eventually returned home penniless, and still his father wouldn't let him back. He lived on the street for awhile until he was picked up by a kindly old man named Pete, who tried to put the wild young man back on the straight and narrow. Bacchus took advantage of his generosity but still came to respect Pete as he was the only father figure he had. That didn't mean he listened to him any better than a real father, but at least Pete was there to bail him out of jail and to keep him from getting himself killed.

Bacchus is very much the inspiration for the Fitz' best friend Dee in my current work in progress. In that version he's not a famous, world traveled superstar but just a lowly wannabe who is really good  in the ring but held back by his own bad decisions and zeppelin-sized ego.  He's just as much of a screw-up as Fitz if not more so, but the difference is that Fitz recognizes he's a loser while Dee thinks he's the shit. He's an idiot and a jerk but he's so much fun to write.

Characters You've Never Heard Of: JOHNNY BISHOP

~September 6, 1978.~
  
 The crowd was dispersing from the cinema after the film, animatedly discussing Gary Busey's portrayal of Buddy Holly.  Most agreed he had done a bang-up job - he was certain for an Academy Award nod for that performance.
  
 It was a cool but beautiful late summer evening. Two couples - Paul and Linda and Keith and Annette, exited the theatre from the backstage door to avoid the reporters and autograph hounds gathered in the lobby.  They quickly walked down an alley and across the street, hoping not to be recognized.
  
 "Blimey, that was a fine film," Paul said cheerfully.
  
 "Indeed!" agreed Linda.  "That Busey fellow shall go far!"
  
 The other man, Keith, was looking haggard.  He was leaning heavily on his girlfriend Annette, who looked embarrassed in her pretty dress with her disheveled, red-eyed man hanging off of her. 
  
 "Are you all right, mate?" Paul asked.
  
 "He's just drunk," Annette groaned in a thick Swedish accent.  "We should go home and let him sleep it off."
  
 "Oh, we hoped you would join us for dinner!" Linda exclaimed.  "We have reservations at Peppermint Park!  Please, it would be lovely if you come out with us."
  
 Paul looked at the other man with concern.  He knew Keith, and knew he could out drink an entire pub full of Irishmen.  The man looked ill, not drunk.  But the women would not be reasoned with.
  
 "That's sounds fabulous!" Annette agreed.  "Keith, pull yourself together."
  
 Keith nodded and trudged along behind the others as they headed across Covent Garden toward the restaurant.  They had walked for about five minutes, chatting about the film and music and mutual friends before Paul noticed the odd-looking fellow skulking along behind them.
  
 "Damn it." He grumbled.  "That's the wrestler again, isn't it?"
  
 "Why you give him the time of day, Keith, I'll never know." Annette harrumphed.
  
 "Oy, he's not that bad," Keith replied.
  
 The stalker - a short, thin fellow in a jogging suit with the hood pulled up - approached them with his hands in his pockets.  He kept looking over his shoulder as if he was afraid he was being followed.  When he got closer, they could tell he had deep bags under his eyes, his skin was sallow and his breath reeked of booze and dead things.  He looked nearly as bad as Keith.
  
 "Ev’nin boys.  Ladies." He spoke curtly, nervously.
  
 "Evening," Paul replied, looking down his nose.
  
 The hooded man glanced around again.  "Keith mate, can we talk?"
  
 Annette rolled her eyes, but Keith staggered off a few feet to talk privately with the other man while his friends waited impatiently.  "What's up, Johnny?" He asked.
  
 "Your friends don't like me very much, do they?"
  
 "They think wrestlers are filthy meatheads, criminals and drug addicts. No better than gypsies, really."
  
 "Aye, and musicians are better?"
  
 Keith smiled.  "No, no I suppose not.  What d’ye need, Johnny?"
  
 "Blues, mescaline, whatever the fuck ye got, man.  I've got the shakes, Keith, I need something - anything - bad."
  
 "Christ, Johnny, what happened to your dealer?  Most people don't go asking famous rock stars for drugs.  People usually give us drugs."
  
 Johnny kept looking over his shoulder.  "I owe Mickey two thousand quid.  And I busted Big Jim's girlfriend's nose so he cut me off, too.  I don't know anyone else, Keith."
  
 Keith shook his head sadly.  He'd been there. "Jesus. Look, I don't got nothing on me, okay?  Meet me at me flat in about 2 hours.  Nine Curzon Place at Shepherd Market.  Number 12."
  
 Johnny looked relieved.  "Thank ye, mate.  You're a saint!"
  
 "Yeah, just don't get yourself killed before then, okay?"
  
 Keith started to walk away, back toward his impatient friends.  Johnny called out after him.  "Hey Keith!  You look like shit, man."
  
 "So do you, ye dumb cunt."

* * * 

He's the first of two fake wrestlers to appear on the list.

Johnny "Bishop" in the 1970s
Source

I won't deny it, I've participated in fantasy wrestling games on and off for years. It's really just an extended writing exercise. You create a character, then write short chapters of their life how they deal with the other characters they encounter in their wrestling world (their opponents, partners, etc). Sometimes it's a simple as writing interviews or promos about how you're going to beat your opponent's ass at the next show, other times its long adventures of how your character is fighting terrorists to rescue their kidnapped kids.

Johnny Bishop was loosely modeled after a real British wrestler named Johnny Saint, but his life is a little more... weird. Bishop was born at the end of WWII, grew up poor and got into wrestling to find money and glory. In his twenties he found a small amount of success but also got into drugs and the swinging 60s party scene. He rubbed elbows with famous musicians and artists, and became good friends with The Who's Keith Moon.

The day before Moon died, he asked Johnny to do him a favour: Steal his remains and smoke his ashes. (Come on, you know Keith Moon would be into something like that) Bishop did, and spent the next thirty years slowly smoking little sprinkles of the legendary drummer, especially before big matches. He became very successful and eventually came to believe that the ashes were what gave him his power and allowed him to win.

Johnny today
Source

Bishop managed to stretch his supply for decades, but eventually he ran out and became obsessed with finding more. Though he was in his sixties and probably should have retired, some bad investments had left him broke and penniless and he had to keep wrestling to survive, and thus he convinced himself he needed more ashes to help him through it. He just need another drug-soaked dead rock star to power his comeback.

So, he stole Amy Winehouse's body and took her to a magical island in the Gulf of Mexico, but before he could incinerate her corpse the island brought her back to life.

Bishop ultimately got her pregnant and she gave birth to a son, who he named Keith Moon Bishop. And there was some wrestling mixed in here and there.

I should really write this into a full length proper story.

The Not-So-Accidental Blog Tourist Hop: C.D. Gallant-King

I blame everything on Philip Overby. Except for my addiction to WWE Supercard. That's not his fault.

1. What am I currently working on?

WWE SuperCard for iPhone. It's an addictive time-sink game app that sucks away so much productivity I'm just embarrassed. Amazingly, despite the dozens of hours it's stolen from me in the past week alone, I haven't spent a cent on it yet nor do I feel inclined to. I have no idea what the point of this game is. Aren't these things supposed to try and trick you into spending money?

Seriously though, if you want to know what I SHOULD be working on, the list looks like this:

- Splatter-Elf the Role-Playing Game
- Finishing the editing on Ten Thousand Days

I was about to list 20 more projects I've started, thought about and/or fiddled with, but if I focus on those two things I think I'll get farther ahead. I have the game nearly to the point I can stop tinkering with it for a while and just play it and test it, while Ten Thousand Days has been sitting in The Closet for ages and really needs to come out. Then I can work on something else.

2. How does my work differ from others of its genre?

If I can help it, I want my work to be as genre-anachronistic as possible. The Splatter-Elf table-top game is setup to be a pretty simple joke game, but there's a depth underneath (I hope) that you can turn it into a long-term campaign if you wanted to. Ten Thousand Days is a somewhat conventional modern/urban fantasy with a touch of humour, but everything else I've worked on is all over the place. My ideal series would be one where every book is a different style (the first is a hardboiled detective mystery, the second is a western, the third is a Vonnegutesque satire and so on) and the main character dies in Chapter 3 of Book 1.

To be fair I honestly have no idea if there is a market for this kind of contet.

3. Why do I write what I do?

Because I have to. I have the stories in my head and I need to do something with them. If I was a better artist maybe I would paint. But words are all I have.

4. How does my writing process work?

Do I have a few minutes?

Is the baby asleep?

Does the lawn need to be mowed, the dishes washed, laundry folded?

Then, as long as it's not 2:00am, I can write.

I used to be able to write for hours and hours without break. I've never had writer's block. I could write 10,000 words a week easily. I once wrote a 40,000 word novella over a long weekend. I don't have that luxury of time anymore. I'm definitely on a low-swing of my writing productivity. I tinker with games and blog as a way to keep writing something every day (or almost every day, depending on if I'm in a tournament in SuperCard).

When I do write, I usually just sit and write. I don't really create outlines or plot much in advance. Like I said, the story is usually in my head, I just need to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keys) to get it out.

5. Have you participated in this type of blog hop yet? If not, consider yourself tagged!
If you decide to the blog hop, please tag me and let me know as I'd like to check it out. (Standard terms and conditions)

Review of My "Favourite" Wrestling Podcasts

I like professional wrestling. I like podcasts. Of course I'm going to put the two together for a listening entertainment smorgasbord. They're a great way to pass some time on my long bus ride to work or while going for a jog. I love to listen to interesting stories about weird and wonderful people (and trust me, there are few weirder than professional wrestlers).

There's no shortage of wrestling-related podcasts out there right now, these are just the handful that I listen to regularly. I usually don't touch anything produced by fans - everybody and their dog has opinions, and I'm not generally interested in wasting time listening to random Joe Schmo ramble about his for an hour. Not to mention the quality of the-fan produced shows usually remind me of the stuff I recorded with a tape recorder in my parent's basement when I was 10 years old.

I stick to professionally-produced podcasts by actual people who were or are in the pro wrestling business. They have the best insights, more knowledge of the industry and usually the best guests. If you're interested in checking out a show or two, here are my completely subjective reviews of five of the most popular, from best to worst. Enjoy!