A Lesson a 6-Year-Old Should Be Able to Understand (#IWSG February 2019)

The other day my son was working on a drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog. I thought he was doing a great job, creating an image that is perfectly on the level expected for a 6-year-old. He, on the other hand, was not at all satisfied with it. He complained the nose was not right, the ears were too big, etc. Eventually he started to get frustrated and upset, and started erasing and re-drawing things and was ruining the overall picture.

I told him I loved the drawing and asked if I could keep it. I said if there were parts of it he wasn't happy with then he could change them next time. I told him everything we make, every task we complete, is a learning experience. Nothing is ever perfect; we should be proud of what we did well, and look for the things we can improve in the future. My wife and I have been trying to impress on him lately that improvement and rewards come from hard work, and that there are triumphs and setbacks every step of the way. I'm not sure if he believed me, but I really struck a chord with myself.

The past few months I've been working on a new manuscript, a sequel to Hell Comes to Hogtown that I had put off writing for two years. The reason I put it off, which was confirmed as soon as I started writing it, was because I knew it was going to be hard. I can see what I want it to be, but the pieces just aren't going together the way I expect them to. I knew this was going to happen because I encountered a similar issue when I wrote the original. I had fun writing the initial draft, but when that was done it took a lot of work to put it together in a sensical order. I had to almost completely re-write the story in the second and third drafts.

It's a working title.

I'm about a third of the way through the sequel and I'm still fighting the choice I need to make: Either I just have fun now, letting the story and characters go in weird and unexpected ways but with the knowledge I'm going to have to fix it all later; or I force the story into a rigid narrative structure, and let everything feel flat and boring now and hope I can instill life back into the characters in the re-writes. No matter what I choose, I'm setting myself up for more work down the line.

I need to take the same advice I gave my son, the advice that even a six-year old should be able to understand: This is a learning experience. Be happy with what I'm getting done now, and when this step is done, take what I learned and use it next time. The way I see it, when I finish this first draft one of three things are going to happen:

1. In the best care scenario, it will turn out better than I'm expecting.
2. It may turn out badly, but fixable. I already know there are parts I will have to change, but other parts that I'm quite happy with that I should be able to use. The first draft will take some work to salvage, but there will be decent story in there somewhere. Fixing it will teach me things that will make my job easier next time.
3. It will turn out to be terrible and unusable. And that's fine. I will finally know that this isn't going to work, and I can put these characters and this story to bed and move onto one of the other thousand ideas I want to write.

It's a hard lesson to learn when you're in the thick of it. I thought I had learned it last time, but apparently I'm still working out the details. It will come, eventually. And maybe this really is my brain's way of telling me that this book doesn't need a sequel, that I should put it down and move onto something else. But I've got to try, just to be sure.

MASQUERADE: ODDLY SUITED RELEASE DETAILS

In case you missed it, the cover for the latest IWSG Anthology (featuring yours truly) was released last week. Here it is again in all it's tentacled-faced glory:

Are you interested in helping to promote the new book, by sharing your blog for a guest post as we get closer to the release date of April 30? If so, please check out the Blog Hop Signup below:

MASQUERADE ANTHOLOGY BLOG HOP SIGN-UP FORM

Here are the full details on the book:

Masquerade: Oddly Suited

An Insecure Writer’s Support Group Anthology
Release date – April 30, 2019
Young Adult Fiction: Romance - General/Paranormal/Contemporary
Print ISBN 9781939844644
EBook ISBN 9781939844651

Find love at the ball…

Can a fake dating game show lead to love? Will a missing key free a clock-bound prince? Can a softball pitcher and a baseball catcher work together? Is there a vampire living in Paradise, Newfoundland? What’s more important—a virtual Traveler or a virtual date to the ball?

Ten authors explore young love in all its facets, from heartbreak to budding passion. Featuring the talents of L.G. Keltner, Jennifer Lane, C.D. Gallant-King, Elizabeth Mueller, Angela Brown, Myles Christensen, Deborah Solice, Carrie-Anne Brownian, Anstice Brown, and Chelsea Marie Ballard.

Hand-picked by a panel of agents and authors, these ten tales will mystify and surprise even as they touch your heart. Don your mask and join the party…

MASQUERADE: ODDLY SUITED contains the following tales of romance:

Oddly Suited, LG Keltner

Behind the Catcher’s Mask, Jennifer Lane

Fearless Heart, Deborah Solice

The Dark Charade, CD Gallant-King (that's me!)

The Cog Prince, Elizabeth Mueller

Remedy, Chelsea Marie Ballard

Charleston Masquerade, Carrie-Anne Brownian 

Flower of Ronda, Myles Christensen

Sea of Sorrows, Anstice Brown

A Diver’s Ball, Angela Brown

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

And So We Wait (#IWSG December 2018)

This week I should hear whether my book makes the cut to the finals of SPFBO 2018. Like I said, I really don't expect anything, but the waiting still sucks.

I did get a few sales and reviews from the pre-Thanksgiving SPFBO 99-cents sale, so that was nice. Nowhere near as big of a bump as I received for the first sale in August, but that one nicely coincided with HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN being long-listed as a semi-finalist, so the sales were boosted by the buzz.

I've also got several stories out on submission, as well as a full manuscript, so there's that.

The biggest waiting though is for my wife's surgery. Funnily enough, we were waiting for same thing this time last year. Some of you may know that she suffered a spinal injury last year which has put her off work and mostly out of commission ever since.  She had the first surgery back in January of this year that only partially fixed the problem, and still left her with continuing pain. Now she's scheduled for a procedure a few days before Christmas to have a spinal cord stimulator implanted in her back to try and ease some of that pain. This is just a temporary trial to see if it will work - for some people the device causes a huge improvement that greatly improves their quality for life, for others it does next to nothing. The nervous system is a strange beast. The surgery was originally scheduled for yesterday but it got pushed back two weeks, fingers crossed it happens this time.

And then we wait to see if it works...

December 5 question

What are five objects we'd find in your writing space?

I can and will write anywhere, so realistically you could find anything in my writing space. If you asked me while I was writing Hell Comes to Hogtown, I would have found things like a screaming baby, a passed out drunk and that obnoxious guy singing along to his iPod (I wrote it on the bus).

Right now, in The Closet (which I still haven't really used for actual writing) you will find:

1. The main water shut off valve for the house
2. The fuse box
3. Boxes of Christmas decorations
4. My wife's craft supplies
5. A box of rejection letters

Besides my computer itself, that last one is the only thing that's really "mine." ;-)

Anyway, in case I don't check in again, I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season! If you will excuse me, I'm going back to waiting...

...hopefully it doesn't all blow up in my face.

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

99 BOOKS for 99 CENTS EACH! (#SPFBO2018 Promotion)

It's here! Your chance to get a ton of great fantasy books for under a buck each!

As part of the ongoing competition to decide the best self-published fantasy book of 2018, a number of the authors involved have joined together to hold another massive sale, offering 100 books for just 99 cents each for a limited time (special thanks to Travis Riddle and Dave Woolliscroft for spearheading this latest promotion).

CLICK HERE FOR A LIST OF ALL THE $0.99 BOOKS

The finalists for the 2018 Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off are scheduled to be chosen before the end of December. Some of the books included in this sale are going to be among those finalists. One of them could even be the ultimate winner. For you hipsters out there, this is your LAST CHANCE to be able to say "I read that book before it was cool."

The sale runs from November 15-19, just in time to grab something to read instead of talking to your relatives over the holidays. The sale includes a number of sub-genres of fantasy, including Epic/High, Urban, Dark, Historical, Comedy, you name it! My book, HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN is in there, so be sure to pick up a copy if you haven't already. It's also still in the competition, so who knows? Maybe I'll be one of the finalists myself! (I won't)

GET IT HERE FOR $0.99

In conjunction with the 99c sale, my story TENTACLES UNDER A FULL MOON is also available for FREE right now on Amazon Kindle. It's the first part of the Werebear vs. Landopus series, and since I just dropped part 3 (THE GUN NUN), now would be a perfect time to pick up the introductory story and dive in.

GET IT FREE RIGHT HERE

Both of these sales run from November 15-19, so don't delay! Head on over to Travis Riddle's website right away for a list of all the participating titles!

CLICK HERE FOR A LIST OF ALL THE $0.99 BOOKS

Lots of News (#IWSG November 2018)

First the good news: I finished the renovations on the Closet! 

Then the bad news: I haven't actually used it to do any writing yet.

Then other good news: I have actually done a fair bit of writing in the last month, just not in The Closet. I finished and submitted one story, and I'm in the middle of two others. I've been scraping to find time to write whenever and wherever I am, I just haven't had time to sit down and do it at my desk.

Sitting down to write this post actually reminds me that I have a bunch of writing-related stuff going on, so I shall get down to it.

THE GUN NUN

For those who didn't stop by on Halloween (shame on you), I have a new story available on Amazon Kindle: THE GUN NUN, the continuing misadventures in the Werebear vs Landopus series.

This long short story (I hate the word "novelette") follows a new character, Sister Siouxsie Cue, a nun of the Gunpowder God, as she hunts a troll and spreads the Good Word of the Gun on her way. While it's technically part of the Werebear vs Landopus series, it stands alone, and you don't really have to read "Tentacles Under a Full Moon" or "Revenge of the Lycanterrancephalopod" to get this one (though the epilogue will make a lot more sense if you do).

If you have read the other stories, you know what to expect: irreverent, black humour with cringe-inducing adult situations in a fantasy setting. A few people have compared it to a Dungeons & Dragons game. It's not technically LitRPG (which is a very specific subgenre), but I see where the comparisons come from. Like any good D&D game, the characters in the WvL series are nuts, argumentative, and often die in random, horrific ways.

The Gun Nun is just 99 cents on Amazon, or free on Kindle Unlimited. If you want a review copy, hit me, up, I know the publisher.

SPFBO $0.99 SALE

The Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off lumbers on. The Top-Ten Finalists are supposed to be chosen by the end of December. For those who remember, Hell Comes to Hogtown was chosen as a semi-finalist way back at the beginning of August, and the the final semi-finalist in my group was just chosen this week. The reviewers running my bracket has said they will cull their 6 semi-finalists down to their choice for the finals by the end of November.

I'm not holding my breath on moving onto the next round. When I saw the original bracket I was 99% sure I knew who was moving onto the finals before the contest even started, and based on the reviews so far my prediction hasn't changed. But that's okay. I'm already super honoured and pleased to have gotten as far as I have, and my book has already seen a nice boost in sales and reviews thanks to the contest.

That said, there will be one more 99-cent SPFBO sale coming November 15-19, just in time for the Holidays. Hell Comes to Hogtown and somewhere between 70-100 other SPFBO entrants (not sure what the final tally is yet) will be available for just 99 cents that week, so be sure to swing by and grab yourself some cool fantasy books on the cheap! Unfortunately I don't have the direct link for the full list of participating titles yet, but I will share it as soon as it becomes available.

(I also have it on good authority that "Tentacles Under a Full Moon" will be available for FREE during that same period, for anyone looking to get into the Werebear vs Landopus series).

November 7 Question

How has your creativity in life evolved since you began writing?

This is an interesting one. Overall my creativity has gone down since I started writing seriously. Or maybe I should say the variety of my creativity has gone down. I used to paint, draw, act, play music, do woodcraft, play and make games. As I've gotten older my free time has become less and less, so I've had to focus on one thing. Writing was the obvious choice since it's been my passion since I was a kid, plus I'm pretty shitty at most of the other stuff I listed. Still, I've daydreamed recently about getting on a stage and making a fool of myself, or picking up a guitar and learning a few new songs. And I'm always ready to throw down to play a creative roleplaying game, if time permits. Maybe one day I'll have free time again.

Oh, and maybe I'm making some crappy illustrations for a silly children's book (shh, don't tell anyone).

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

Holy Crap, I'm Feeling Good Two Months in a Row (#IWSG September 2018)

"It blends comedy and blackness in a way that hits all the right notes for me. I would go as far as to say it may appeal to Pratchett or Vonnegut fans."

-Lukasz Przywoski, Fantasy Book Critic

In case you couldn't guess, that quote from a glowing review of HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN made my year. I don't think it's warranted, but even a tangential comparison to Terry Pratchett or Kurt Vonnegut (!!!) is about the highest praise I can imagine.

Kurt looks almost as shocked as I was.

August was a great month for me, writing-wise.

For those who missed it a few weeks ago, my book HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN was selected by Fantasy Book Critic as a semi-finalist for Mark Lawrence's 2018 Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off. Basically that means it has made it to the top 50 or so of the 300 books entered. That quote at the top came from their official review of the book.. It still has a long way to go to make it to the top 10 (literally, it will probably be 6 months before the finalists are decided), but I am beyond thrilled it even made it this far.

As a side-effect to the success in SPFBO, the first week of August was the best sales week I've had in years. I sold more copies of Hogtown in August than I had in the two years since it was released, not to mention a few other sales and several hundred free downloads of TENTACLES UNDER A FULL MOON. Not only that, but people were buying it all over the world - I usually get sales in Canada and the US, maybe an occasional one in the UK, but thanks to SPFBO I've had sales/downloads in Germany, Mexico, Australia, Sweden and India. Needless to say that was a great accomplishment, at least for me.

I'm now an international best-selling author!

In additional to Fantasy Book Critic, I also received 10 new reviews/ratings on Goodreads, which is more than I usually get in a year. Most of them were quite positive; even the worse one is pretty good:

"Fun, urban fantasy that'll keep you turning pages. Its not fantastic literature, but it's entertaining and you won't be disappointed with it."

-Goodreads review

I mean, he's not wrong.

On top of all that, I wrote and submitted another story (with an hour to spare before the deadline!) and have another one ready to go for a submission later this month. I've also started a new writing game with my friends online - I'll probably write a more detailed post about that later. It's probably not something that will generate content I can share publicly, but it does force me to write regularly (and quickly - I wrote over 3000 words last week), and it tends to spawn a lot of ideas that I can use elsewhere down the line.

If I had one thing to be insecure about this month, it's that there is no way in hell I'll be able to keep this positive energy and momentum going... :-/

One moment you're flying like a bird, the next you're landing on your face.

September 5 IWSG Question 

What publishing path are you considering/did you take, and why?

I've talked about this a lot before so I won't go in huge detail, but the short version is that I started self-publishing because I was impatient. I wanted to see my books on Amazon and in print RIGHT NOW.

In hindsight that's probably not the best reason to self-publish, but in the last couple of years I've grown to appreciate it on a number of levels, the main one being is that the stuff I write is not usually palpable to traditional publishers. (Seriously, have you read Tentacles Under a Full Moon?) With self-publishing I can write what I want, when I want. I don't have anything against traditional publishing, and I still submit to them regularly, but I suspect the majority of my work is going to continuing being self-published for the foreseeable future.

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

Hell Comes to Hogtown is the first SPFBO Semi-Finalist of 2018!

Remember that secret I hinted about a few days ago? Well the cat's out of the bag now...

This morning, Fantasy Book Critic officially announced their first pick to move forward in the 2018 Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off, and it's none other than HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN. Like I said, I had actually found out about this a few days ago, and I'm so thrilled that the news is finally public and I can shout it from the rooftops.

(For those of you not up to speed with SPFBO, it's a yearly Self-Publishing contest organized and hosted by best-selling fantasy novelist Mark Lawrence. Check out more info here.)

This is especially vindicating because, as many of you know, my book was the very first one eliminated in it's group in last year's SPFBO contest. I only submitted again because I couldn't possibly have done any worse this time around. I could only go up, right? Little did I know...

You can check out the full details of the first round of eliminations right here, but below is a snippet from the judge's comments. A more detailed review is expected to follow.

It’s a strange, genre-bending mixture of action, horror, fantasy and comedy. And it works - it entertains, surprises and, above all, provides a lot of fun.
It’s not lighthearted, but a strong dose of absurd and wicked sense of humour balances off some of the tragic events.
It has a similar vibe to Tarantino or Guy Ritchie's movies. The story is simple but twists and turns are Legion and you really can't be sure what to expect. It'll entertain you in a loud,violent and inappropriate way. 

- Lukasz Przywoski, Fantasy Book Critic

Holy shit, someone actually liked this...

There's still a huge field of competition in the contest and it's expected to run a full year, but even if this is a far as my book goes I am incredibly pleased. This is a huge bump of validation that I've been missing from my writing for a long time. In the last three days alone I've sold more copies of Hogtown than I have in the last 18 months (it helps that it's on sale). Hell, according to Amazon I've sold copies in places I never would have dreamed, like India and Mexico. Seriously, if nothing else comes of this contest I'm already way ahead, so thank you, Mark Lawrence and SPFBO. I am so psyched right now.

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Speaking of the sale, Hell Comes to Hogtown is available for just 99 cents (USD) through Sunday on Amazon and various other retailers. If you haven't read it yet, now is the time to jump on the bandwagon.

While you're at it, head over to Andrea Domanski's website where you can find over 120 other SPFBO entries also on sale for just 99 cents. There are a lot of gems in there waiting to be discovered, so do yourself a favour at check a few of them out.

SPFBO 2018 $0.99 SALE!

Revenge of the Spiff and Other Stories (#IWSG August 2018)

Lots of news this month! Some insecurity, some head-scratchers, and even some good news. There's so much to talk about that I've had to break it down into easily-digestible categories...

RETURN OF SPIFF-BO

Remember last year when I signed up for the Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off? Quick recap: It's a contest organized by award-winning and best-selling author Mark Lawrence, where 300 independent writers submit their books to be judged by 10 book review websites to find "the best" self-published fantasy book of the year. While there's no "official" prize (besides a replica of Dumbledore's Elder Wand - it's a long story), the exposure of doing well in this high-profile event does wonders for you and your book. Previous winners have gone on to big things, and even making it as a finalist can provide a huge boost to your sales and audience.

Of course, Ten Thousand Days was the very first book eliminated in its group when the reviewer was offended by some off-colour jokes and didn't make it past the first chapter.

Well, I didn't learn my lesson, because I have submitted Hell Comes to Hogtown to SPFBO this year, which has TEN TIMES as much offensive humour as Ten Thousand Days. My thought was I can't possibly do any worse than last year, so what do I have to lose?

99 CENT SALE

The SPFBO contest officially starts today, so reviews should start to roll in soon. You can start taking bets on how quickly I'll be booted out this time around. In conjunction with the contest though, I'm also taking part in a special sale, where over 100 of the SPFBO participants are offering their entry on sale for just 99 cents! That's right, you can check out exactly how funny, gory and inappropriate Hell Comes to Hogtown is FOR YOURSELF, all for less than the price of a cup of coffee.

Get your own copy right here!

(Or here)

(Or here)

(Or here)

If schlocky horror-comedy is not your thing, there are many other great books participating in this promotion. There's paranormal, epic fantasy and YA fantasy as far at the eye can see! Just check out Andrea Domanski's website for a full list of all the books on sale this week. Special thanks to Ms Domanski for organizing the sale, too!

CHECK OUT ALL THE BOOKS ON SALE

Just for fun, I also made Tentacles Under a Full Moon FREE on Amazon this week, too, so check that out if you haven't already.

WRITING NEWS

A few weeks ago I finally started writing a story that I've been putting off for two years. It's not that I didn't want to write it, I just had so many things I wanted to write I couldn't decide which one to start first. I actually started - and abandoned - three other novels in that time, and wrote several short stories. Then a lot of personal and family stuff happened that wiped out my free time and made all writing pretty much impossible.

I've finally started to carve out that time and put words to (digital) paper, and in the first week or so so I wrote 5000 words. I was ecstatic! I finally got my groove back and I felt like myself. Plus I was making progress on a project that's been rolling around in my head for years. It was great, I was feeling good and positive...

...and then I realized those 5000 words sucked and I threw pretty much the whole thing out.

I was forcing the story to go places it didn't want to go. I'm notoriously bad at starting stories/books, and in this case it was because I had certain scenes and jokes in mind, but it took a lot of set-up to get there, and when I finally got to the punchline it really wasn't worth it. I tried to jam way too many characters and plot lines into the first few chapters and it just didn't work. So I trimmed it all out, jumped right into the main plot line instead, and I'll introduce those characters and plot elements more naturally over time as the story progresses.

Maybe I'll be able to use my ideas later on in the book after everything is established, maybe not, but either way I'm not upset about it. It's a learning experience and I think the book will be better for it. I'm just happy it's taking shape at all, and hey, I'm back up to about 3000 words, so I'm doing alright.

#IWSGPIT NEWS

I submitted my pitch a few times during the #IWSGPIT a few weeks ago on Twitter and got a couple of bites. One agent wrote me back and told me the sample I sent was hilarious, but it really wasn't the kind of thing she represented so had to pass. I had thought the same thing when I looked her up before submitting the query, but hey, it's still nice to know someone liked it.

SUPER SECRET NEWS

I can't share it yet, but let me just say it made my day (and month, maybe year?) writing-wise when I heard this bit of news a few weeks ago. No, I didn't land a book deal or anything, but man, I really felt vindicated when I got this particular message. I'll share the details when I can (hopefully in time for next month's IWSG), but until then just know that this info is what triggered my recent resurgence in writing, so it's definitely a good thing.

AUGUST 1st BONUS QUESTION 

What pitfalls would you warn other writers to avoid on their publication journey?

Don't wait. I wish I had started doing what I'm doing now at least 10 years earlier. Sure, I'm a better writer now, but I truly believe if I had started publishing when I was 25 instead of 35 I would have gotten better faster, too.

If you're looking to be traditionally published, submit. Submit, submit, submit. Submit anything. Pitches, short stories, full novels, grocery lists, whatever you have. What's the worst thing that can happen? They say "no?" They're going to say "no" 99% of the time anyway, so you might as well start building up a tolerance to it. Let it become a routine. Submit, get rejected, submit somewhere else. You'll start to write more stuff because you'll want to try again. Or maybe you'll re-write and start over. Eventually SOMETHING will get accepted, and you will get better as you go.

If you want to be self-published, just do it. If you're afraid it will suck or you don't know what you're doing, you're probably right. Publish it anyway. Use a pseudonym, if you feel you need to protect your name. Start with just a short story, if you like. It will be full of typos, the cover will be terrible, the formatting will be all screwed up and no one will read it or buy it. You will take it down and re-write it multiple times. But much like with submitting to a market, the first time is always the hardest and scariest. The experience you will gain self-publishing your first story will be invaluable, and everything will make much more sense the next time around. And again, you will want to put out something bigger and better than last time, and use what you've learned to help you along, so you will only improve as a writer each time.

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

I Just Discovered I Love Audiobooks

For the longest time I was hesitant to listen to audiobooks. I found nothing inherently wrong with them, they just didn't seem to be for me. For some reason my mind wandered whenever I listened, and unlike when reading and you miss something, with audiobooks it's especially hard to go back and re-read/listen to parts you missed. It just didn't seem worth the effort.

Those opinions were formed before I got a job with a ridiculously long commute, as well as a lot of data entry where my ears are free to do to other things. For the last few years I've been listening to a ton of podcasts, but lately I've been finding myself bored with that too. Along with the guilt that I don't do nearly as much reading as I should, I decided to give audiobooks another whirl, and I'm so glad I did. In just two weeks I've discovered a LOVE for audiobooks I never imagined, and I suddenly feel so much more productive now, being able to chip away at my TBR pile while simultaneously getting other tasks done. It's amazing.

In those two weeks I've "read" three books I've meant to get to for awhile, and I've discovered that audiobooks improve books in (at least) three awesome ways.

1. It makes bad books bearable.

The first book I checked out was Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. Now, this book was hugely popular a few years ago and is about to become a major Steven Spielberg movie, but in all honesty I didn't think it was very good. The 80s video-game nostalgia seemed perfectly tailored for me, but the flat characters, dumb stakes and over-reliance on said nostalgia were just grating. Not to mention it was riddled with plot inconsistencies that I would have been crucified for had I written them.

If had I been actually reading it I doubt I would have made it through. But the story was saved by the charming and likable narration by Wil Wheaton. While the weakest of the three narrators I listened to, Wheaton still has an engaging voice and a spirited narration, so it was nice to listen to him drone on in my ears for a few days.

2. It lets you see an old book in a new light.

Book number two was Slaughterhouse Five. I had read it many years ago, but despite it's place as a classic it was among my least favourite of Vonnegut's books. I don't know if it was because I read it in a rush of other Vonnegut books so it didn't particularly stand out for some reason, or maybe I just didn't get it. But that changed after I listened to Ethan Hawke's rendition.

Now, I don't know if Hawke is actually the best choice for Slaughterhouse Five (there's another version read by James Franco that I think might work even better). He's a bit too smooth and suave, but boy does he bring it to life. He instills it with so much pathos and realness, it really hits you in the gut and plays up the darkness while still maintaining that mischievous satire that I love. I have really reconsidered my opinion on Slaughterhouse Five thanks to the audiobook, jumping it way up there in my Vonnegut canon.

3. It can make a good book absolutely exceptional.

The third book was The Serpent of Venice by Christopher Moore. I'm pretty open that Moore is a heavy influence of mine (which I think is probably most obvious in Hell Comes to Hogtown), so I generally enjoy his books anyway. But Euan Morton's reading of Serpent of Venice is astounding. It's the first time I've understood what it means when it says a narrator "performs" a book.

For those who don't know him, Morton is a stage actor and singer who played Boy George in Taboo in both London and on Broadway, currently performs as King George in Hamilton on Broadway, and has credits in countless other shows on both sides of the Atlantic (random side fact: his son plays the lead in the TV show Young Sheldon). Morton brings his considerable skills to Serpent of Venice, turning it into basically a 10-hour-long one-man show where he performs all the characters beautifully with different voices, and captures Moore's humour with perfect British wit. He's like a one-man Monty Python, it's amazing.

I also just discovered that Morton also did the narration for two other Christopher Moore books, Fool and Sacre Bleu, so I am pumped to check those out.

Long story short, I'm really digging audiobooks and I can't believe it took me this long to jump on board. Since I wrote this up last week I've also listened to a Dave Barry book and I'm half-way through a PG Wodehouse collection (For reference, the Dave Barry book wasn't very good but it still had a few laughs in it). I haven't been this prolific in my "reading" in years. I think I've listened to more books in the last month than I read in the entire year prior. I'm looking forward to making a nice dent in my TBR pile in 2018.

Let's do this.

Why does everything take so long? (#IWSG September 2017)

August was hard. Not specifically writing-wise (thought that was hard, too), but it was generally just one of those months when the universe decides to make life as complicated and challenging as possible.

The whole year has been like that, really. Maybe I'll tell you about it some time, but today's not the day. At least we're not underwater.

I wrote a bit through August, though as usual not nearly as much as I would like. I did actually (more-or-less) finish a draft of a manuscript I've been working on for years. I didn't jump for joy when I did because I've literally been working on this particular draft for 2 years and I know there's a lot more work to come, but in retrospect it's an accomplishment. I also started a short story that I've been thinking about for awhile that's a lot of fun.

So there are some victories, however small, but every word is a challenge. We'll get there, eventually.

We can't all be little girls fulfilling ancient prophecies by pulling swords from ponds.

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September Question 

Have you ever surprised yourself with your writing? For example, by trying a new genre you didn't think you'd be comfortable in?

Sure, I've been surprised by parts of a story when I didn't expect it to go in that direction. Or sometimes when I can't figure out how to make a scene work and then an idea suddenly reveals itself unexpectedly.

Ah, c'mon, the idea wasn't that good...

I think that the biggest surprise is that everything about writing takes so much longer than I think it should. I don't know if it's unreasonable expectations on my part or what, but I keep making plans and deadlines and I never come close to meeting them. You think by now I would have figured this out.

For instance, after I put out Ten Thousand Days in the spring of 2015, I had the manuscript of Hell Comes to Hogtown well underway and I figured I could get it out by that fall. It didn't come out until summer of 2016. When I finished the first draft of Hell Comes to Hogtown in summer 2015 I started working on a major revision to an old book that I thought I could put out in 2016. I just finished that revision, two years later (to be fair I basically completely rewrote the whole novel). The "novelette" Revenge of the Lycanterrancephalopod was supposed to come out for Halloween 2016, but it just came out this spring. And yet, every time I set myself up a deadline, I blow through it without a backward glance.

At the same time, if I just made the deadlines later and more realistic, it would probably just be that much longer before I get anything done.

So I will continue to trudge along and whine about it. Occasionally I will put out small flashes of literary genius, but in the meantime you all get to listen to me complain.

Yeah, that's how I usually feel after listening to me, too.

For those still sticking around, thanks for listening.

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

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My 2016 Year-in-Review

I know most people are already looking forward to 2017, but I'm always late with these things...

2016 was a year, huh?

I don't necessarily subscribe to the narrative that we've had more celebrity deaths this year (I think it's just a case of celebrities being relevant longer thanks to our more connected society), nor do I think the deaths of celebrities are any more valuable than the many, many people regular everyday people who lost their lives for stupid or heartbreaking reasons. That being said, the world really did seem to lose its collective fucking mind in the last twelve months.

But I'm not here to talk about politics or celebrity gossip. I'm just going to stick to my own life, and a few highs and lows of my own year. In no particular order:

1. Kids are awesome. My son, who turns 5 in January, started Junior Kindergarten and continues to astound with his rapidly-advancing skills. He's so sweet and caring and attuned to the emotions and feelings of others (he gets that from his mother, sure as hell not from me). He's also building 500-piece Lego kits with only minimal supervision (I'll take credit for that one). He saw Star Wars for the first time over the holidays and it BLEW HIS MIND. He was making "pew pew" blaster sounds in his sleep that night.

My daughter, who won't turn 2 until March, is amazing. Her vocabulary and motor skills are way ahead of where my son was at that age (she can pick up my wife's iPhone, unlock it, open Netflix and scroll to a specific cartoon). I don't know if it's the difference between girls and boys or what, but she seems like a freakin' genius.

Or I dunno, maybe I'm just easily impressed.

2. In July, I self-published my second novel, Hell Comes to Hogtown. It was a long process that was much longer and more challenging than I was expecting, but I'm quite pleased with the final product. Reception of the book has also not been as strong as I would have hoped, but it's early and I'm looking ahead long-term.

3. Submitted a few stories to magazines and anthologies, getting a head-start on my five year plan I mentioned at the beginning of December. I've gotten one rejection so far but I'm still waiting to hear back from two more, so we'll see how the New Year starts.

4. I actually have several writing projects completed or near-completed that I will be shopping around and/or releasing in the upcoming year. I would love to share some of those with you but after taking like 9 months longer than I planned to release Hell Comes to Hogtown, I'm not counting anything until it hatches anymore. Or talking about it online, whatever. You know what I mean.

5. I wrote another silly kids book for my kids and all my nieces (I have seven altogether) for Christmas. They all loved it because they're in it. That's my daughter on the cover. It features more of my terrible artwork, and I've had several arguments with one of my older nieces about it because of changes I made to her Pokemon in the story. I just keep trying to explain "parody" and "intellectual property" to her but it's hard with an 8-year old.

6. I gained like 20 pounds this year so I had assumed my exercise must have been way off, but after checking my run-keeper app-thingie I realized my routine has been pretty much on the same schedule as it has for the last three years. I guess that just means I've been eating staggering amounts of shit this year. Something to look into in the new year...

7. Life was all over the place otherwise, with two car accidents, my wife starting a new business, ups and downs at work, several illnesses and injuries, and a big trip half-way across the country with the kids and the dog to visit my parents. We're all still here and we're all still breathing so we'll keep plugging along. Life is a series of many steps, some hard, some easy, and there will be trips and falls along the way. There is no ultimate destination though (well, there is, but honestly you're not going to like it) so the best you can do is just enjoy the stops along the way.

Here's to hoping World War III doesn't start in 2017! At least try to hold it off until 2018...

Drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Okay, I admit I took David Bowie a bit hard, and I'm still processing Carrie Fisher...

Well that didn't go according to plan... (#IWSG)

I just made a donation for $10 to Canadian Blood Services. This was my pledge for the Vampire Books for Blood campaign, in which I said I would donate $1 for every copy of Hell Comes to Hogtown sold in October.

I didn't actually sell ten copies. That was just the minimum donation the website would allow.

Truth be told, I didn't even sell five copies, which is what I had originally intended to donate. I was rounding up from three, which itself was a bit of an inflation as it included two books I sold at the end of September.

That leaves me with one. One book. That's what I sold in October.

And it was on-sale for 99 cents, which you may notice is less than what I pledged to donate.

So yeah, I don't know what I expected to get from Vampire Books for Blood. I certainly didn't expect huge sales or anything, but I thought with 50 authors in a similar genre cross-promoting on their blogs and Facebook and Twitter pages, SOMEONE might see my book and decide to give it a try. Hell, I bought a couple of books myself because they looked interesting. But it was not meant to be.

I just Googled "sad vampire" and got, like, a billion hits. 

I should have known better.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about donating money to a worthwhile charity. I'm just disappointed that I continue to flail about impotently hoping someone will check out my book. I've only sold half as many copies of Hogtown as I did Ten Thousand Days in a similar time frame, and only received 1/5 as many reviews, despite the new book being much better (in my opinion).

I was so bummed about my non-existent success that I gave away copies of Hogtown for free yesterday for Trick-or-Treat for books. At least it's in someone's hands now. I'm not worried that those freebies took away from any potential donations that would have went to Blood Services, since I ended up covering it anyway.

Anyway, I'm bummed, I'm frustrated, I'm disappointed. Awhile ago I said I don't care if my books make money and I meant it, but I really would like someone to read them.

Anyway.

Here's a picture of my kids dressed up as Minions for Halloween.

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November IWSG Question: 

What's your favourite part of being a writer?

This one's easy, and ties well into my anecdote above. The best part is definitely when someone tells me they enjoyed one of my stories. It doesn't have to be much, even a "hey man that was really cool" is great (though a detailed review is always awesome). I ain't in this for the money or your revolution. I'm a ham and a storyteller and a clown - I just want people to read my damn books. ;-P

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group here.

FREE BOOKS! (Happy Halloween 2016!)

In honour of the joyous festival of Samhain, today I'm joining forces with Patricia Lynne's Trick or Treat Book Blog Hop to give out free stories to everyone who stops by. It's just like Trick or Treating for candy, except with (hopefully) fewer cavities.

A number of authors and small publishers have signed up to give out free books and stories this year, so be sure to check out everyone on the list to get your free stories. Just make sure you come in costume! 

As for my contribution to the list: For today only, you can download my novel HELL COMES TO HOGTOWN from Smashwords absolutely free. It's a perfect for this Halloween season, as it features monsters, ghosts, violent murder, evil cults, fortune tellers and um, drugged-out professional wrestlers. It's creepy, it's gory, it's got a sense of humour, and it's all yours if you visit Smashwords today:

Get your copy at Smashwords

Happy Halloween, everyone. Be careful, be safe, and have fun! Don't forget to visit all the participants to grab your free stories, or you'll regret it!

Poor Marilyn missed his free stories, and he regrets it.

He regrets a lot of things in his life.