Ho, Ho, Holy Crap It's almost Christmas (#IWSG December 2022)

It's holiday time! Are the holidays a time to catch up or fall behind on writer goals?

I don't do much writing over the holidays. Lots leading up to it, yes, but once my "Christmas Book" (the book I write every year for the kids/family) goes off to the printer, I'm pretty much done with writing until the new year. To many lousy movies to watch, cookies to eat, and Lego to build. 

Despite starting to write it over a year ago, I was a week later than usual getting the book out this year. I hope it gets printed and back to me in time; I had to pay extra for rush shipping.

 This one had ALOT of illustrations. I don't know why I keep making illustrated books. I'm not a good artist, I'm slow, and I'm never happy with how they turn out. And yet I put 100+ drawings in the latest book. 

In case you can't tell from the covers, each book gets progressively more excessive.

Yes, it's a Canadian-themed Pokemon series about my kids and nieces. Yes, it has Pokemon like "Apologeese," "Loony" and "About" (it's a boot, get it it?). Yes, it's absolutely ridiculous. Yes, the latest (and likely last) book is nearly 300-pages long. Do I regret it? Remains to be seen.

But anyway, I'm way burnt out on writing now. The most creative thing I will likely do over the holidays is (hopefully) paint a few miniatures. I was having a lot of fun with that before Halloween before getting distracted with the book. I will have to get back to Gale Harbour Book 3 early in the new year.

Happy Holidays, everyone. 

Hugs & Kisses,

-CDGK

P.S. If anyone sees my kids/nieces, don't mention the book. It's a surprise. :-)

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Writing Time (#IWSG December 2020)

Mother of god, is this year still going on?

I wrote a lot for the optional December question, so I'm just going to go with that.

December IWSG Question:

Are there months or times of the year that you are more productive with your writing than other months, and why?

Heck, yeah. November and December are usually my busiest writing months. Why? Because I nearly always write a book/story to give as a present to some of my friends/family.

This is one of my favourites. It's Book 3 in a 5-book series, though, so it doesn't make a lot of sense by itself.

I started this tradition back in 2004 when I wrote a book for my wife as a Christmas gift. I wrote something like 60,000 words in 17 days. I was not used to being crouched over my computer so long (I'm a champ at it now) and I ended up needing to get physio on my shoulder in the New Year. I kept it up, with either novels or stories nearly every Christmas since. In 16 years I've written I believe 8 novels, 12 short stories and 3 children's books (the children's books are the biggest pain because they're illustrated). This does not include any other homemade projects I make as gifts (I'm also known for board games and repaints of Christmas village houses as whorehouses), or any other writing I'm doing at the time. So on top of regular life, work and holiday responsibilities, Christmas is usually a crazy stressful time for me.

Sometimes I need a reminder to wear pants, too.

The best part, and the reason I don't know if I can call this writing "productive," is that NONE of those books or stories have been released publicly. A couple of them I've re-worked with the intention of hopefully sharing/selling, but so far only my closest family members and a handful of friends have actually read them. It is very much a labour of love for a very small audience. Most of my relatives have no idea how much work goes into them. My kids don't get it all, which is hilarious. I think they assume everyone's fathers write books. In Grade 1, my son brought one of my kids books to class for show & tell. His teacher loved it and asked if she could get a copy, but my son said he only had one so I would have to write her another one. 

It was the bath water book, by the way.

Yesterday I sent off this year's books to the printers (unsolicited plug - Lulu.com is great for this) and it felt like a large weight was lifted of my shoulders. One thing off my list. Now I just have to wait to see if the other presents I ordered actually come in on time. 

This was last year's book, for my kids and nieces. It was the second-most-time-consuming book I've ever written. Only surpassed by this year's book.  

So anyway, that's my rant(?) about what I do at Christmas time. How about you? When do you write a lot? Or what fun(?) stuff do you do for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/(Insert Holiday of Choice)?

Happy Holidays to all! 

Hugs & Kisses,

-CDGK

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

Post Halloween Sugar Crash (#IWSG November 2019)

It's a week after Halloween. Does your house look like this yet?

Mine doesn't, but only because my wife threatened to divorce me if I took the decorations up out of the basement before December 1st. 

Last week's Trick-Or-Treat-Reads was loads of fun. Thanks, Patricia Lynne for organizing once again! I got a lot more downloads than usual, so fingers crossed some people will actually read my books and leave a review. I even got a few Kindle Unlimited reads as well, which was an extra-special Halloween treat. It's always nice when a freebie leads directly to an actual "sale." Overall my sales the past few months have been absolute garbage, so even a few pages at half a cent each is encouraging.

I really need to finish some of the stuff I'm working on so I can get new stuff out there. I have high hopes for 2020. Hopes that will probably be crushed, sure, but I'll take the positive emotions while I can.

November Question 

What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

Unlike (apparently) most writers, I've never Googled how to kill someone or how a body decomposes or anything like that. Maybe some people are really concerned by exactly how long it takes someone to bleed out when stabbed three inches below their solar plexus, but I suspect these are the same people who calculate the airspeed velocity of their dragons based on mass and wingspan. For me the answer to both of those things is "whatever makes the story interesting."

Honestly, it's odd when I research anything, but sometimes I get caught up in weird details I dig into in way more depth than needed. A few recent ones:

• The colour of Newfoundland Light & Power trucks in 1992 (I recall they were red but I can't find a picture to confirm this)
• Clowning practices of 1850s travelling circuses
• The history of the Group of Seven artists, only so that I can completely change it and make them into supervillains
• A historic Canadian murder where the victim died on a table, because I needed a haunted table

Don't get me started on how much research I've done on Pokemon.

Did you know that in Generation 3, Girafarig could learn Astonish at level 7 and Confusion at level 13, but since Generation 4 it's been able to learn both moves at level 1, and instead gained a new move called Odour Sleuth at Level 5 that allows it to attack otherwise unhittable targets?

I hate that I know this.

Hugs and kisses,
-CDGK

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

Serious Collector (Of Rejections) #IWSG July 2019

Me collecting rejection letters...

Writing has been picking up the last month. I haven't made any progress on my main manuscript, because I've been focusing on submitting short stories to several anthologies and journals. I wrote and submitted one story last week at the very last possible minute to their deadline - it was very rushed and I probably should have given up, but the story is so particular to their theme that I doubt I will be able to place it anywhere else, so I pushed through to get it in. I've also received a bunch of rejections lately on older stories, which is fine (I'm inching closer to my coveted 100 rejections). Only one of them was a bummer, as it was a story I really enjoy and a collection I thought it fit perfectly - plus there were names involved that I quite like, so it would have been cool to be part of it. To be honest though the rejections are nowhere near as disappointing as not finishing something I set out to do.

I've got at least three more short stories to finish and submit over the next couple of months, and then I can get back to and hopefully finish my current novel. We don't have any big summer plans so I have my fingers crossed I can get some work done (and not waste too much time playing Pokemon GO).

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

It would be really nice to not get bored of something and actually finish it for once. In the last two years I believe I've started 4 different manuscripts and got between 1/4 and 1/2 through before giving up on them. Hopefully one of them will stick one of these days.

How about you? Any good writing coming up this Summer?

July 3 Question: 

What personal traits have you written into your character(s)?

Most of my characters are awkward losers, so what does that say about me? There has definitely been some of my insecurities written into my characters, though I have the most fun when I write characters who say the things I wish I could say/had said. To really let the asshole side of my personality out, which I generally try to keep in check. I suppose that's wish-fulfilment writing, in an odd sort of way.

Anyway, that's all for now. Keep writin', keep livin', keep catchin' Pokemon.

Hugs and kisses,
-CDGK

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

Gotta Catch'em All... except you don't have to, not really (#IWSG June 2019)

I'll keep today's post short.

Last month I kinda went on a rant. Life was stressful and I was a bit freaked out. I threatened to quit writing altogether, which I know is not ever going to actually happen, unless I'm somehow struck blind and deaf and lose both my hands in some sort of freak accident. But it's hard sometimes.

So the last month I have been writing, quietly, not making a big deal about it. I finally put aside the manuscript that I've been struggling with for almost 9 months and started writing something new and fun, and I've written something like 20,000 words in the last month. No pressure, no real plan, just playing around. After putting it aside, I also FINALLY thought about how to fix the previous story, so maybe I'll go back to that one eventually, too.

My wife is doing much better. Life has settled into a bit of smoother routine. The weather's nicer so I'm getting out to jog more often. All in all, things are looking up, and I'm (cautiously) optimistic. Until the next crisis brings it all crashing back down, anyway.

Also, I've been playing a lot of Pokemon GO. Like A LOT of Pokemon GO.

Maybe it's these cute little guys that's been making me feel better.

JUNE QUESTION:

Of all the genres you read and write, which is your favorite to write in and why?

I'm sure we've answer this one before, but without a doubt my favourite genre to both read and write is humour. There's enough drama and darkness in the real world, so I really seek out entertainment that makes me chuckle.

The best part of humour is that it's a very broad "genre." You can add humour to just about anything - fantasy, mystery, romance, self-help, college applications, grocery lists, police statements, religious texts, prehistoric cave drawings - and it only makes it better. Anything worth doing is worth not taking seriously, so let yourself enjoy life and have a laugh (or two).

STRANGELY FUNNY VI IS OUT IN PAPERBACK

Buy it here.

Speaking of mixing genres and having a good laugh, make sure you check out Strangely Funny VI, now available in paperback (as well as for Kindle). It features my story, "Eyewear of the Damned." It will be horrify and amuse you.

Silly Children's Stories (#IWSG January 2017)

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group here.

#

Here's something that makes me insecure: sharing something absolutely ridiculous that I made.

Yesterday in my 2016 Year-End Review, I mentioned that I wrote a new kids book for my children and my nieces for Christmas. This is actually my second kids book, the first being a cautionary tale I wrote for my son a couple of years ago describing the dangers of consuming dirty water from the bathtub:

Spoiler alert: It turns you into a green-skinned alien.

My nieces (and many of my other relatives) seemed to enjoy it as well, so I whipped up another one this year. I took a different turn this time - because the ages of my kids and nieces range from 1 up to 10, there was no way I could write something that would appeal to all of them. Don't Drink the Bath Water is a picture book, but the older kids are getting into chapter books now, so I decided to go that way with the new one. I figured that the oldest kids would get it now and the younger ones would grow into it.

And now I'm sharing it with you, to embarrass and shame myself:

The story features all of my kids and nieces, as well as magic and goblins and unicorns and off-brand Pokemon. It's only about 3000 words long so I had to use big fonts to make it relatively book-sized (about 60 pages), and it is illustrated with my trademark crappy artwork. The tale is told from my daughter's point-of-view and is loosely based on our family trip this past summer, where we actually had all 9 kids together at one time. Of course, in real life no one got turned into turnips or rode dolphins, so I freely admit to taking some creative license with it.

The kids loved that they were each featured in the story, each with their own special power, and each got at least one illustration of themselves. For example:

Her next cousin was Taylor, an opthlalmage. Her magic revolved around fish. Talking to fish, summoning fish, riding fish, that sort of thing. At the moment she was being followed around by her favourite fish, a dolphin named Flipperius, whom she was teaching to breathe air and walk on his fins. Yes, it’s true that dolphins are not actually fish, but that made it all the easier to teach him to breathe. 

Let me tell you, it's really hard to write a 3000-word story with nine main characters and give them all distinct super powers, as well as something to do with the plot. By the time I got to my youngest niece all I could come up with for her was that she could explode.

Maisie shrugged and closed her eyes. 

She concentrated very hard.

Suddenly there was a loud pop, and then a much louder explosion and a rush of hot air. The entire castle was destroyed instantly, leaving the Cousins and the turnips standing in a big crater in the ground. Well, the cousins were standing, the turnips were just laying there.

“AWESOME!” They all said.

“I can definitely see the use for that,” said Lydia. “But not in this situation.”

The most fun to come out of the story (for me) is arguing with one of my nieces about Pokemon. In the story she's a Pokemon trainer, but I go to purposeful, exaggerated lengths to not actually call them Pokemon or use officially-licenced Pokemon terms. I even Googled "knock-off Pokemon" to find an off-brand one to use as her pet. Unfortunately, I accidentally used a picture of a real Pokemon as a base (there's like 700 of them, I don't have time to cross reference all of them), but just made it like 100-times bigger than it's supposed to be. 

So now she keeps getting mad at me for drawing Dedenne too big and calling it by the wrong name, while I insist that it's not Dedenne or even a Pokemon at all. It's very hard to explain parody and intellectual property to a 9-year old.

So anyway, that's my dirty little, insecure secret I'm sharing today: I write terrible children's books. I may share some more in the future - I've been instructed I now have to write more of them, and have at least 9 kids to answer to if I don't. Wish me luck.

#

December IWSG Question: 

What writing rule do you wish you’d never heard?

Anything having to do with f*cking commas. I've heard a million contradictory rules and I still never use them properly. I just keep getting more and more confused. Now I'm stuck between either using Find and Replace to randomly insert them throughout the manuscript, or somehow find a way to write an entire book without using any.

#

 
The secret catalogue of books by CD Gallant-King that you can't get on Amazon.
You can get these, though.

#

My 2016 Year-in-Review

I know most people are already looking forward to 2017, but I'm always late with these things...

2016 was a year, huh?

I don't necessarily subscribe to the narrative that we've had more celebrity deaths this year (I think it's just a case of celebrities being relevant longer thanks to our more connected society), nor do I think the deaths of celebrities are any more valuable than the many, many people regular everyday people who lost their lives for stupid or heartbreaking reasons. That being said, the world really did seem to lose its collective fucking mind in the last twelve months.

But I'm not here to talk about politics or celebrity gossip. I'm just going to stick to my own life, and a few highs and lows of my own year. In no particular order:

1. Kids are awesome. My son, who turns 5 in January, started Junior Kindergarten and continues to astound with his rapidly-advancing skills. He's so sweet and caring and attuned to the emotions and feelings of others (he gets that from his mother, sure as hell not from me). He's also building 500-piece Lego kits with only minimal supervision (I'll take credit for that one). He saw Star Wars for the first time over the holidays and it BLEW HIS MIND. He was making "pew pew" blaster sounds in his sleep that night.

My daughter, who won't turn 2 until March, is amazing. Her vocabulary and motor skills are way ahead of where my son was at that age (she can pick up my wife's iPhone, unlock it, open Netflix and scroll to a specific cartoon). I don't know if it's the difference between girls and boys or what, but she seems like a freakin' genius.

Or I dunno, maybe I'm just easily impressed.

2. In July, I self-published my second novel, Hell Comes to Hogtown. It was a long process that was much longer and more challenging than I was expecting, but I'm quite pleased with the final product. Reception of the book has also not been as strong as I would have hoped, but it's early and I'm looking ahead long-term.

3. Submitted a few stories to magazines and anthologies, getting a head-start on my five year plan I mentioned at the beginning of December. I've gotten one rejection so far but I'm still waiting to hear back from two more, so we'll see how the New Year starts.

4. I actually have several writing projects completed or near-completed that I will be shopping around and/or releasing in the upcoming year. I would love to share some of those with you but after taking like 9 months longer than I planned to release Hell Comes to Hogtown, I'm not counting anything until it hatches anymore. Or talking about it online, whatever. You know what I mean.

5. I wrote another silly kids book for my kids and all my nieces (I have seven altogether) for Christmas. They all loved it because they're in it. That's my daughter on the cover. It features more of my terrible artwork, and I've had several arguments with one of my older nieces about it because of changes I made to her Pokemon in the story. I just keep trying to explain "parody" and "intellectual property" to her but it's hard with an 8-year old.

6. I gained like 20 pounds this year so I had assumed my exercise must have been way off, but after checking my run-keeper app-thingie I realized my routine has been pretty much on the same schedule as it has for the last three years. I guess that just means I've been eating staggering amounts of shit this year. Something to look into in the new year...

7. Life was all over the place otherwise, with two car accidents, my wife starting a new business, ups and downs at work, several illnesses and injuries, and a big trip half-way across the country with the kids and the dog to visit my parents. We're all still here and we're all still breathing so we'll keep plugging along. Life is a series of many steps, some hard, some easy, and there will be trips and falls along the way. There is no ultimate destination though (well, there is, but honestly you're not going to like it) so the best you can do is just enjoy the stops along the way.

Here's to hoping World War III doesn't start in 2017! At least try to hold it off until 2018...

Drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Okay, I admit I took David Bowie a bit hard, and I'm still processing Carrie Fisher...