February '19 Audiobook Reviews

Here we go again! I've been tearing through audiobooks so far this year, let's see if I can keep it up. I started last year hard and fast too, and burned out quickly, but here's hoping I can top my record for books read/listened to in 2019.

Heir to the Empire - 20th Anniversary Edition by Timothy Zahn (read by Marc Thompson)

I think I've talked before about how important "Heir to the Empire" was to my Star Wars fandom in my teens. This book, and the West End Games Role-playing game, kept Star Wars vibrant and alive for me in those dark years between Return of the Jedi and (ugh) The Phantom Menace. Not only was it the first "Star Wars" we got in ten years after Jedi, Heir to the Empire was a really good book. Or at least I remember that it was, though it had been some 25 years since I'd read it.

I remembered it very well - I could recite some lines and even full paragraphs exactly along with the narrator as I listened. But it was a lot more... juvenile than I remember it being. I'm not saying that as a major critique, it's just very obviously targeted at young adult audiences, which I guess I didn't notice at the time since I was, at the time, a young adult myself. The language is very "secondary-school," for lack of a better word, which really stands out when it's read aloud in an audiobook.

That being said, the plot is very well thought out (a hell of alot more than most Star Wars movies, to be honest) with genuinely shocking twists and turns throughout the book and the trilogy. The villain, Grand Admiral Thrawn, is without a doubt Zahn's greatest contribution to the Star Wars universe (that and the name Coruscant for the capital planet). Thrawn is a well-developed, Sherlock-Holmes-esque character, who uses his considerable intellect for evil, yet you can't help be drawn to him because he's just so darn interesting. His plots and schemes are ridiculously elaborate and yet well-thought-out and logical, far more than the simple "and now the bad guys ambush the heroes" we usually get in the movies.

So yeah, the book is still pretty good, but I cringed at the audiobook. This was the most over-the-top, over-produced audiobook I've ever listened to. It had a full soundtrack and soundscape, using all the official music and effects from the films. Every scene was highlighted by laser blasts, lightsaber hums, explosions and monster growls. Even during quiet dialogue scenes, there was always the background noise of starship engines humming in space or animals chirping on-planet. It was really unnecessary, and totally distracting at first. Maybe some people really like this kind of full presentation, but as I've said before, I really just prefer one voice telling me a story.

Marc Thompson is a good narrator, but like most male American narrators I find him a little too slick. It always sounds like the voiceover guy from movie trailers. Plus, he did all the voices (or attempted to do all the voices) as impersonations as the characters from the movies. His Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and C-3P0 were quite good, but many of the others left a lot to be desired. Luke Skywalker sounded kinda bored, Lando sounded like he was trying to seduce everyone all the time, all of the female characters were terrible (a pretty common complain when male narrators try to do female voices), and Han Solo sounded like Patrick Warburton (the voice of Joe Swanson on Family Guy, Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove, Elaine's boyfriend Puddy on Seinfeld and Lemony Snicket in the Netflix version of A Series of Unfortunate Events).

Actually Han Solo in this sounds exactly like the Han Solo from the Lego Star Wars cartoons, but that's neither here nor there.

Portuguese Irregular Verbs by Alexander McCall Smith (read by Hugh Laurie)

My wife has been bugging me to read this for years, and while I have nothing against it I admit it took me far too long to get around it to. This is my first McCall-Smith book (I've never touched his much more famous No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, either), and I quite enjoyed it.

Charming is probably the best word I can come up with to describe this book. It wasn't gut-bustingly hilarious (though my wife insists the next book in the series is), but there were a couple of pretty funny moments. The opening chapter about three very un-athletic academics trying to learn how to play tennis using only a 100-year old rule book was brilliant. And then they tried to learn to swim from a textbooks, too... But most of the book is cute, witty, and leaves you with "ah, I see what you did there" moments. 

Ostensibly the book is a number of short stories about the lead character, Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, a professor of "philology" (study of the history and structure of a language - I had to look it up) whose big claim to fame is writing a 1200-page treatise on Portuguese Irregular Verbs, an incredibly comprehensive (and by all accounts, dreadfully boring and unnecessary) volume about the history and usage of... Portuguese Irregular Verbs. It's a book that all his colleagues appreciate and respect but no on in the right minds would ever want to read. Every chapter and story somehow ties back to this ridiculous book, about how von Igelfeld is trying to get others to read it, or buy it, or how he got the idea to write it, and so on. It's just the right amount of absurd for me, and if you are an academic or know any of them very well, it will entertain you on an whole other level.

My favourite part of the book, however, was definitely the narration by Hugh Laurie. My previous experience with him was reading Three Men in a Boat, by Jerome K. Jerome, which if you recall I was pretty disappointed with (Laurie's reading that is, the book is great). He is a million times better here, taking his time and narrating with a gleeful joy that really makes what could by a dry story far more entertaining. In fact, Laurie's narration here bumps whats would probably be a three-star book for me up to an easy four.

Noir by Christopher Moore (read by Johnny Heller)

I'm a big homer for Christopher Moore. I unabashedly list him as one of my big influences as a writer (I'm not talented enough to write like Kurt Vonnegut, or British enough to write like Terry Pratchett). Hard-boiled detective stories are also my jam. Mickey Spillane is a dirty pleasure, even though his books are horrifically racist and misogynistic. So when you mash the two of them together, I just knew this was going to be a bitchin' ride.

From the opening line, "She had the kind of legs that kept her butt from resting on her shoes," I was hooked. It was full of Moore-isms like this, where he captures the style and tone of the genre he's satirizing/parodying, but twisting it to make it all his own. It was a classic story of a tough, regular Joe who gets caught up with a crazy dame and some illegal shenanigans, and then all hell (and murder) breaks loose. 

Set in post-WWII San Francisco, Moore deftly navigates the racial and social prejudices of the time, being honest about how people thought and acted in the 1940s without being too cringe-worthy for our modern sensibilities. And he touches on a lot of tough points, too. Japanese internment camps, the flourishing west-coast China Town, the Southern blacks who moved to California to build warships, the women who worked to run the country while the men were away but then were shuffled back when the war ended, even the underground but growing gay and lesbian culture. I've read other novels actually written in that period when all of those groups were treated like second-class citizens as best, and manipulative, horrific villains more often than not. The fact that Moore was able to not ignore the racism and bigotry while still making all of the characters real and well-rounded was an impressive feat.

Of course, this being Christopher Moore, there are aliens and secret government conspiracies. Honestly his noir pastiche was so good I would have been happy if he played it straight, without the supernatural elements, but you can't have a Christopher Moore book without talking animals and some kind of otherworldly creature murdering people. It's his gimmick, and bless him for it. I know I love it.

The narrator, Johnny Heller, was solid. He captured the noir/hardboiled vibe wonderfully, and he managed to pull off most of the varied cultural voices without delving too deep into racist caricatures (*cough, cough* Stephen Briggs *cough, cough*). Fun times.

December Audiobook Reviews

Last month I raved about how I'd discovered audiobooks and couldn't believe they were missing from my life. I've been flying through books the last few weeks, "reading" more books in a month and a half than I did the full year prior, and my pace doesn't shown signs of stopping.

I figured since I was going through them anyway, I might as well take the time to jot down a few of my thoughts, both for my own benefit of remembering them down the line, plus as a suggestion (or warning) to anyone else who may want to give these a try.

Insane City, written and read by Dave Barry

This was without a doubt the weakest audiobook I've experienced so far. It's written well enough - Dave Barry is a bit too broad and general for my humour, but I appreciate the allure of it. It's got some great one-liners and plenty of wacky situations, but it read a bit too much like the script of a movie to me. Honestly, it seemed like Barry was trying really hard to write a book that could be adapted easily to a screenplay, like The Hangover. My thoughts on the matter? Just watch The Hangover, it's much better.

The worst part, though, was Barry's reading of the text. That's all it was - reading, like a high school student tonelessly presenting his book report in front of the class. Not everyone can be Euan Morton (see Serpent of Venice) doing all the character voices and accents like a one-man stage show, but at least put a little emphasis and inflection in your voice. The weird thing is, Barry narrates all of his own stuff. Is the non-fiction this dry and boring, too? It could have been really funny, with the right narrator, but Barry just really killed my interest in this one. 

The P.G. Wodehouse Collection, narrated by B.J. Harrison

I freely admit this type of early 20th century British humour may not be for everyone, but I absolutely love it. 

P.G. Wodehouse is a huge influence on some of my favourite writers, such as Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams (and really, any British humourist from the later 20th century), so what's not to love? The snappy dialogue, the quick wit, the wry British comedy of manners - Wodehouse perfected this comedy style that would go on to be adapted by so many, and B.J. Harrison performs it wonderfully. He uses the style of narration common to many English voice actors, adopting different voices, accents and speech patterns for every speaking role, so that it ends up sounding like a radio play performed by one actor.

This collection contains one novel (Right Ho, Jeeves) and about twenty short stories, so it's a bit on the long side, especially as the stories tend to get a bit repetitive, but the novel itself is a prime, sparkling example of Wodehouse's Jeeves & Wooster stories. It's hilarious, fast-paced and ridiculous, not to mention surprisingly crass. I've never heard an old British lady call her nephew an "ass" so many times in my life. True, it's tame by today's standards, but after the very proper and mannerly stories in the first half, all those "cuss words" thrown around in the novel were downright scandalous, and is a perfect example about how profanity, when used carefully and sparingly, is a potent comic weapon. I've never quite mastered it myself (Hell Comes to Hogtown has something like 400 f-bombs in it), so it's nice to observe a master.

Carrie, written by Stephen King and narrated by Sissy Spacek

After listening to mostly humour for the last few weeks, I wanted to try something different. Will a dramatic story be as good in audio as a joke-filled one? 

Carrie, at least, was excellent. I saw the original movie years ago but somehow I had never read the book. The movie was awesome, and the book, while different, was also exceptional. The ending was very different, and I agree with Stephen King that the ending of the film version is actually better.

That being said, the ending of the novel is still evocative. Not to get too spoilery - while the film ends with a bang, the novel drags on, and then spends considerable time detailing the aftermath of Carrie's rampage. If you ever wanted to see how a small town deals with the brutal deaths of hundreds of people at the hands of a misunderstood girl with godlike power, this is the book for you! It's depressing and heart-wrenching, and left me feeling icky. 

Sissy Spacek as the narrator was inspired. Not only is it a fun touch because she played the original Carrie in the film, but because she nails the reading, bringing the weight it needs in the dramatic parts as well as the cold clinical voice of the journalists and scientists investigating the incident. Normally I don't find "scary" books particular scary, nor do they really move me, but Spacek really helps to take you through all the ups and downs of the journey. It's a different kind of thriller. You know, very early on, how the story is going to end, but King and Spacek drag you along for the ride you know is going to end is heartbreak and bloodshed, and Spacek in particular really hammers home the dread and foreboding. It's wonderfully disquieting. 

The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore, read by Tony Roberts

Since the Christmas Season is upon us, I had to throw in one holiday-themed story, didn't I?

Some people curl up with Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol in December, a familiar tale to get them in the mood for the holidays. For me, it's Christopher Moore's "Heartwarming tale of Christmas terror." Many characters from Moore's other novels appear in Angel, sort of a "Holiday Special" treat for his fans, and I can't begin to cover all the ridiculousness in this short book. There's a washed up former B-movie queen who hears voices. There's a young boy who sees Santa Claus get murdered and then worries that means he's not getting a new PlayStation. There's a talking fruit bat. There's a heartbroken mad marine biologist who, in order to get over his divorce, glues electric diodes to the testicles of lab rats and himself. And of course there's the titular character, the absent-minded, idiot servant of Heaven who performs a lazy Christmas miracle and accidentally raises an entire graveyard full of people... as brain-eating zombies. 

This is peak Moore at his most insane, and the story is read well by Tony Roberts. Most of the voices seem to have southern accents, which is weird to me as the story is set in California, but maybe that's just me? Maybe I don't "get" American accents? This, apparently, is NOT the same Tony Roberts who starred in such films as Annie Hall, Play it Again, Sam and Serpico (who also does audiobook narration) but instead by the guy who narrates the Casca: The Eternal Mercenary series? Confusing.

Anyway. This book is great, the narration is pretty good, and if you share my sense of humour you will be simply... having... a wonderful Christmas time (insert Paul McCartney music here).

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So, have you read/listened to anything cool this month?

I Just Discovered I Love Audiobooks

For the longest time I was hesitant to listen to audiobooks. I found nothing inherently wrong with them, they just didn't seem to be for me. For some reason my mind wandered whenever I listened, and unlike when reading and you miss something, with audiobooks it's especially hard to go back and re-read/listen to parts you missed. It just didn't seem worth the effort.

Those opinions were formed before I got a job with a ridiculously long commute, as well as a lot of data entry where my ears are free to do to other things. For the last few years I've been listening to a ton of podcasts, but lately I've been finding myself bored with that too. Along with the guilt that I don't do nearly as much reading as I should, I decided to give audiobooks another whirl, and I'm so glad I did. In just two weeks I've discovered a LOVE for audiobooks I never imagined, and I suddenly feel so much more productive now, being able to chip away at my TBR pile while simultaneously getting other tasks done. It's amazing.

In those two weeks I've "read" three books I've meant to get to for awhile, and I've discovered that audiobooks improve books in (at least) three awesome ways.

1. It makes bad books bearable.

The first book I checked out was Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. Now, this book was hugely popular a few years ago and is about to become a major Steven Spielberg movie, but in all honesty I didn't think it was very good. The 80s video-game nostalgia seemed perfectly tailored for me, but the flat characters, dumb stakes and over-reliance on said nostalgia were just grating. Not to mention it was riddled with plot inconsistencies that I would have been crucified for had I written them.

If had I been actually reading it I doubt I would have made it through. But the story was saved by the charming and likable narration by Wil Wheaton. While the weakest of the three narrators I listened to, Wheaton still has an engaging voice and a spirited narration, so it was nice to listen to him drone on in my ears for a few days.

2. It lets you see an old book in a new light.

Book number two was Slaughterhouse Five. I had read it many years ago, but despite it's place as a classic it was among my least favourite of Vonnegut's books. I don't know if it was because I read it in a rush of other Vonnegut books so it didn't particularly stand out for some reason, or maybe I just didn't get it. But that changed after I listened to Ethan Hawke's rendition.

Now, I don't know if Hawke is actually the best choice for Slaughterhouse Five (there's another version read by James Franco that I think might work even better). He's a bit too smooth and suave, but boy does he bring it to life. He instills it with so much pathos and realness, it really hits you in the gut and plays up the darkness while still maintaining that mischievous satire that I love. I have really reconsidered my opinion on Slaughterhouse Five thanks to the audiobook, jumping it way up there in my Vonnegut canon.

3. It can make a good book absolutely exceptional.

The third book was The Serpent of Venice by Christopher Moore. I'm pretty open that Moore is a heavy influence of mine (which I think is probably most obvious in Hell Comes to Hogtown), so I generally enjoy his books anyway. But Euan Morton's reading of Serpent of Venice is astounding. It's the first time I've understood what it means when it says a narrator "performs" a book.

For those who don't know him, Morton is a stage actor and singer who played Boy George in Taboo in both London and on Broadway, currently performs as King George in Hamilton on Broadway, and has credits in countless other shows on both sides of the Atlantic (random side fact: his son plays the lead in the TV show Young Sheldon). Morton brings his considerable skills to Serpent of Venice, turning it into basically a 10-hour-long one-man show where he performs all the characters beautifully with different voices, and captures Moore's humour with perfect British wit. He's like a one-man Monty Python, it's amazing.

I also just discovered that Morton also did the narration for two other Christopher Moore books, Fool and Sacre Bleu, so I am pumped to check those out.

Long story short, I'm really digging audiobooks and I can't believe it took me this long to jump on board. Since I wrote this up last week I've also listened to a Dave Barry book and I'm half-way through a PG Wodehouse collection (For reference, the Dave Barry book wasn't very good but it still had a few laughs in it). I haven't been this prolific in my "reading" in years. I think I've listened to more books in the last month than I read in the entire year prior. I'm looking forward to making a nice dent in my TBR pile in 2018.

Let's do this.