Saturday, April 5, 2014

Why I'm Afraid of Eels


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Click here for the nutritional facts on cooked eel.  They're a pretty good source of protein, but very, very high in fat and cholesterol. And of course they're horrifying.

Eels are mythical, un-killable creatures from the black abyss. I know this as true and absolute fact, and for that I fear them. If ever they should develop intelligence and rise up against us, we are doomed to be their landlocked slaves. Or dinner.


When I was a boy I saw a group of other boys beat the ever loving shit out of an eel that one of them caught in a lake. They stabbed it, stomped on it, beat it with rocks. I can't defend their actions, boys are stupid and I'm guilty by association. But I'm not on trial here (at least I hope not). The point is that after that brutal assault and being left in a bucket on the dock overnight, the next morning they dumped the eel back into the lake and it swam away.

Tell me that's not unnatural. Tell me that eels are not the demonic seed of Satan himself.

And please, for the love of God, tell me that eel isn't coming back for me someday for standing by while it was tortured. Because it can. IT CAN.
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