- John Wooden
"I would absolutely characterize myself as ambitious."
When I was younger I was obsessed that my life was supposed to mean something. I wanted to do something important, and to be remembered. For a long time I thought that I would achieve infamy through writing a book. When I was a kid I dreamed of being a famous baseball player, even though I sucked at sports. I flirted with being an actor or a rock star (not a musician, mind you, a rock star - thank God they didn't have American Idol back then). I was terrified of living and dying in obscurity.
Thankfully I grew up and I got my head out of my ass.
Part of it might just be maturity - I'm more comfortable with myself and my place in the universe. A huge part of it is that is my son - no matter what happens now, a small part of me will live on and be remembered through him (so I really hope I don't fuck that up) and now, for me, that may be enough.
I would still like to write, and I hope that people will read my work and be entertained. It would even be nice if I could make a few bucks at it, but I don't expect to become rich or famous. I don't plan or expect or even hope to write a book that will change the world, or be taught in university classrooms a hundred years from now. If some stranger I've never met buys my book for $1.99 on Amazon because it looks interesting, then I will be content.
I would still like to be a professional wrestler, though. You can't make me give up on that one.
I think that a lot of us are like that when we're younger. I know I sure was, I wanted to be a pop-star or actress for a short while before I figured out what would actually make me happy. No matter what we end up doing with our lives, we always end up making some sort of impact even if we don't realize it at the time. I must admit, I wouldn't mind have a little claim to fame at some point or another, nothing big, just a little something to be remembered; though, when I have children, I'm sure people will remember me through them.ReplyDelete
When you're young, everything seems so important. You feel like you need to do and be something important. You feel like you're supposed to do something monumental that will change the world. Now, as long as I remember to pay the water bill and catch my bus on time after work, I'm having a good day.Delete
There was a period in my life where I gave an absurd amount of thought to what I considered the "crushing anonymity" of most human beings. It was not that I wanted to be famous exactly (far too introverted and shy to wish for that), but just this idea that most of our lives will make little to no difference to anyone outside a very small circle of people and how that seemed to give so many people a feeling of hollowness and futility. As I've gotten older, I've come to see those small circles as not only enough but more than most of us can handle--this being truly close and important to others is a project of enormous proportions, mundane and anonymous though it is.ReplyDelete
What's more important? Having a huge impact to a small number of people or a tiny impact to multitudes? I think your answer reflects greatly I long your maturity and the quality of the relationships in your life.Delete
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Now just imagine if people remembered you as Kim Kardashiass. That's why I love "It's A Wonderful Life" Even though it is played every year at Christmas over and over it speaks about the average person who helps people and doesn't even realize itReplyDelete
It's true. Everyone has their place in life and an important role to play.Delete
Damn, I've been watching too much of my son's "Thomas the Tank Engine."
I think I was one of the strange ones as a kid. I never wanted to be famous. All I ever wanted was to DO EXCITING THINGS! (sorry I felt that had to be all-caps). I don't think I've ever cared all that much what other people thought, as long as I was having fun. Maybe that's a flaw in some ways, but it has made me happy most of my life.ReplyDelete
You've always been strange and I've told you as much. When most teenagers wanted to be actors or rock stars, you wanted to be the roadie.Delete
We all ultimately ended up as roadies, you just had a head start getting there.
So now the question is, if you were a professional wrestler, what would your gimmick be?ReplyDelete
If I was a few years younger I would be an arrogant chickenshit heel who talked a lot of smack and barged constantly, but when then chips were down I would always get my ass kicked. I would cheat like a bastard to win, and then brag that I'm god's gift to wrestling.Delete
Now that I'm pushing 35 and wouldn't be able to bump and move like that, I would be a Cinderella underdog, working my ass off to make my dreams come true against younger, faster, better opponents. I would probably still get my ass kicked but I would get more sympathy for it.
I've thought about this a lot.
Hah! Wait til you are pushing 72.....seriously.Delete
Hmm... At 72 I wouldn't be able to get very physical in the ring. Maybe I could still pull of ring announcer or color commentator though...Delete
once upon a time I wanted to be a writer of stories or else an architect. Neither happened instead I discovered I was a pretty good human who every once in a while wrote a splendid poem. Not bad.ReplyDelete
Maybe you could be a rock star wrestler :)ReplyDelete