Thursday, April 17, 2014

Why I (used to be) Afraid of Obscurity

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."
- John Wooden

"I would absolutely characterize myself as ambitious."
-Kim Kardashian

When I was younger I was obsessed that my life was supposed to mean something.  I wanted to do something important, and to be remembered. For a long time I thought that I would achieve infamy through writing a book.  When I was a kid I dreamed of being a famous baseball player, even though I sucked at sports. I flirted with being an actor or a rock star (not a musician, mind you, a rock star - thank God they didn't have American Idol back then). I was terrified of living and dying in obscurity.

Thankfully I grew up and I got my head out of my ass.

Part of it might just be maturity - I'm more comfortable with myself and my place in the universe.  A huge part of it is that is my son - no matter what happens now, a small part of me will live on and be remembered through him (so I really hope I don't fuck that up) and now, for me, that may be enough.

I would still like to write, and I hope that people will read my work and be entertained.  It would even be nice if I could make a few bucks at it, but I don't expect to become rich or famous.  I don't plan or expect or even hope to write a book that will change the world, or be taught in university classrooms a hundred years from now.  If some stranger I've never met buys my book for $1.99 on Amazon because it looks interesting, then I will be content.

I would still like to be a professional wrestler, though. You can't make me give up on that one.

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