The First Money I Ever Made As a Writer

I threw this factoid out in a random comment reply, but I realized it was a good enough story that I should probably share the whole thing.

I mentioned last week that I had received my first royalty payments from Amazon, but what I neglected to mention was that those few bucks were not actually the first money I ever made from writing. It was the first money I had made in about 20 years, though, and the first that wasn't - for lack of a better word - shady.

You see, in high school I wrote for a "literary magazine" called the Manifesto. It was a student run project, completely written and produced by our 11th Grade class. I did all the layouts and typesetting not just because I was the fastest typist but because I didn't trust anyone else to do it properly (I was a self-publishing control freak even back then). I was also the defacto treasurer: Since I was in charge of getting the covers printed so I held onto our meager funds to pay for printer ink and photocopies. I think we charged like 50 cents an issue and didn't sell many copies, so it's not like we were talking William Randolph Hearst publishing money here.

This is the cover of the Christmas edition that started the problem.
Colour prints cost a fortune back in the day.

Anyway, at the end of the school year there was like $5.25 in coins left in our printing "account" (which was actually a sandwich baggie under my bed). I held onto it through the Summer thinking we would need it in the Fall, but for whatever reason the magazine never got off the ground again. Maybe because I got a girlfriend and had other things on my mind. But I still had that bag of coins, and I held onto it all through the school year. When I was leaving home to go away to University, I found the bag and wracked my brain for all of about ten seconds on what to do with it:

"I did more work on the magazine than anyone else. Screw it, I'm keeping it."

I think I bought a Coke and some chips or something with it. That was the illustrious start to my "professional" writing career: blatant thievery. I regretted it afterward - while I did do a lot of work on the magazine (contributing many stories in addition to the layout, editing, etc), I probably should have shared the money with the other guys. So if any of you are reading this - Morgan, Greg, André, Steve, Chris, probably some others I don't remember - I apologize, and I owe you each like 65 cents. If you give me your addresses I'll send you an email money transfer.

André earned at least 65 cents for this sweet-ass drawing of our Social Studies teacher.

As an amendment to the above story, during my final year of High School (remember, the year after we did the magazine), a bunch of guys got together during the yearbook photo sessions for a picture of the Manifesto team. For some reason I got super pissed at this because it wasn't part of our senior year and I thought it was dishonest to say it was (also remember, this was before I stole the treasury money). It didn't help that they had a guy pose in the picture that had nothing to do with the magazine just because he was trying to get in as many yearbook photos as possible. I think he's even in the picture of the girl's basketball team. My point is, you totally can tell I'm pissed in the photo, I have the grumpiest, nastiest look on my face. They even put my name down as "Editor-in-Chief" to try and appease me but it didn't help any.

I was a surly dick as a teenager and photographic evidence of that fact has been preserved for posterity.

Did you actually think I was going to show you a yearbook picture of myself? Fuuuuuuck that.

As an amendment to the above amendment, going back over these old issues for the pictures reminded me of the dumb and hilarious shit that we did as kids in high school. The magazine was basically in response to the terrible "official" high school newspaper, and we spent a lot of our time and energy making subtle (and not so subtle) digs at "The Man." I've got some great and embarrassing stories I'm going to have to share in some future post - maybe even a whole series.

For instance, our cover artist was really going through a "hippie" phase at this point.

How about you? How low have you sunk in the name of art or making a buck? I prefer stories that include both.

The Viper and the Urchin by Celine Jeanjean

I think I've mentioned this before, but I hate writing reviews. I'm terrible at it. There is an art to writing a good review, a certain ability to critically analyze a work and formulate clear, concise opinions. It's a skill that I simply do not possess in my repertoire. Maybe I'll spend some points on it the next time I level up.

However, I do like to tell people about stuff I like, so I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about a great new book called "The Viper and the Urchin" I just read that I think you should check out, too.

A month ago Ms Jeanjean asked me read her new book (which just dropped this week, you can buy it here) and review it if I felt comfortable doing so. I was hesitant simply because I knew I had several trips this month and was going to be busy, but I gave it a shot. I was really glad I did.

First, here's the blurb:

Being Damsport's most elegant assassin is hard work. There's tailoring to consider, devilish poisons to concoct, secret identities to maintain... But most importantly, Longinus has to keep his fear of blood hidden or his reputation will be ruined. So, when a scrawny urchin girl threatens to expose his phobia unless he teaches her swordsmanship, he has no choice but to comply. 

It doesn't take long for Rory to realise that her new trainer has more eccentricities than she has fleas. But she'll put up with anything, no matter how frustrating, to become a swordswoman like her childhood hero.

What she's not prepared for is a copycat assassin who seeks to replace Longinus, and who hires Rory's old partner in crime to do away with her, as well. Rory and Longinus must set their differences aside and try to work together if they're to stop the copycat. But darker forces than they realise are at play, and with time running out, the unlikely duo find themselves the last line of defence against a powerful enemy who seeks to bring Damsport to its knees.

Sounds pretty cool, right? On Amazon the book is categorized as Young Adult/Fantasy/Steampunk, which is technically true, but if I had only heard of this book based on it's category I may not have picked it up. I wouldn't have thought it was my cup of tea. But the categorization only tells part of the story: At its heart The Viper and the Urchin is a fast-paced and enjoyable character-driven mystery/thriller, and that's a wonderful thing.

Too many genre books focus too much on background and world building and not enough on the plot and characters, but The Viper and the Urchin avoids this trap with an entertaining duo of characters that you care about and would be interesting in any setting. The background is just that - a back drop to the action, which is a quickly-moving thriller with stakes important to the characters. There is just enough back story to set the scene instead of providing an encyclopedic history of the world. The writing overall is clean and polished. It's detailed and evocative without being overly or unnecessarily flowery, which lends well to its fast-paced readability.

The two protagonists, the surly, rough-around-the-edges "Urchin" and the foppish, well-to-do "Viper" (an assassin who's more concerned that his shoes match his belt than actual assassination) are a weird mix of unusual characters. They're so much fun to read and play off each other amazingly well. They may be a bit one-dimensional but that's a small trade-off for the constant antagonistic, witty banter between them. The dialogue is tight and well-written.

To the point: this is a fun, quick read that's genuinely enjoyable and entertaining. It's well worth picking up and I'm looking forward to future releases from Ms Jeanjean.

Go check out The Viper and the Urchin! And make sure to drop by Celine's website while you're at it!

Why I'm Afraid of Young People

People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
-The Who, "My Generation"

I know I'm getting old. At least I feel like I am. I mean, I'm still in relatively good health and I haven't even hit middle age yet, but it just feels like I'm falling behind the times.

Young People terrify me. I know every generation says the one coming after them is useless, but come on - it's never been this bad, has it? Kids are growing up SO differently then they were even twenty years ago. They have access to so much technology and information than we could never dream of, and they take it for granted. I'm pretty comfortable with it because I've grown up with and adapted to it, but kids born in the last ten years or so won't even REMEMBER a time before smart phones and wireless internet, before GPS and social networking and access to Wikipedia and Google.  They will have a COMPLETELY different view of the world and how it works, and it frightens me to imagine what that view will be.