Why I'm Afraid of Game Masters

“You are not entering this world in the usual manner, for you are setting forth to be a Dungeon Master. Certainly there are stout fighters, mighty magic-users, wily thieves, and courageous clerics who will make their mark in the magical lands of D&D adventure. You however, are above even the greatest of these, for as DM you are to become the Shaper of the Cosmos. It is you who will give form and content to the all the universe. You will breathe life into the stillness, giving meaning and purpose to all the actions which are to follow.” 
― Gary Gygax, Creator of Dungeons & Dragons

I wrote a pretty detailed account of my GM-phobia awhile back over at RuleoftheDice.com, but at the risk of repeating myself I'll give you the short version:

Why I'm Afraid of Fatherhood

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

- Bill Cosby

I love being a dad. My son is 2 years old and wonderful. He's in that incredible stage when he's still baby-ish but learning and developing at an alarming rate that amazes me to no end. Every day he learns new words, discovers and notices new things, performs tasks he never did before. Watching him grow is more rewarding and enjoyable than I ever would have thought possible.

So of course I'm scared I'm going to fuck it up.

Why I'm Afraid of Eels

Click here for the nutritional facts on cooked eel.  They're a pretty good source of protein, but very, very high in fat and cholesterol. And of course they're horrifying.

Eels are mythical, un-killable creatures from the black abyss. I know this as true and absolute fact, and for that I fear them. If ever they should develop intelligence and rise up against us, we are doomed to be their landlocked slaves. Or dinner.

Why I'm Afraid of the Dark

"Rod cells, or rods, are photoreceptor cells in the retina of the eye that can function in less intense light than the other type of visual photoreceptor, cone cells. Rods are concentrated at the outer edges of the retina and are used in peripheral vision. On average, there are approximately 125 million rod cells in the human retina. More sensitive than cone cells, rod cells are almost entirely responsible for night vision."

-From Wikipedia

Things go bump in the night.  Shadows play tricks on your imagination. Some of the most fearsome hunters in the animal kingdom are nocturnal. All of those things are valid reasons to be afraid of the dark, but mine goes a little bit farther.

Why I'm Afraid of Cars

The fear of driving can be severe enough to be considered a phobia. It is often great enough that people will avoid driving at all costs, and instead find someone to drive them or use public transportation, regardless of how inconvenient or expensive. There is no Latin term for this fear, though it is comparable to hodophobia, the fear of traveling. (from Wikipedia, and you have no idea how much I wish that read "hobo"-phobia, which should be a real thing.  I'll see you again on "H" day)

It's not that I'm afraid of cars themselves or driving or even of getting hit by a car... I actually was hit by one once while crossing a sidewalk. I rolled with it and bounced off the hood before hitting the pavement. I walked away with just a few scratches and some mud on my coat. Freaked the goddamn hell out of the driver though, and I do kinda hope it gave her nightmares.

Why I'm Afraid of Barbers

Come into my Parlor said the spider to the fly
Come into my barber's shop said Todd unto Toby
For a roughness I do detect about the throat I fear
Me thinks it would look better when cut from ear to ear

-From "Sweeney Todd"

So... You walk into a place of business where a minimum wage employee and total stranger yanks your head back and wields sharp implements around your neck and throat while paying more intention to pointless jabber about the weather and the scores to last night's game than he's paying to the deadly weapons in his hands. You have no idea if this guy is an undercover spy, a homicidal lunatic or if he's even sober. Why do people willingly do this on a regular basis, and then pay twenty bucks for it? Have you seen Sweeney Todd?

This is probably why I only get my hair cut every two or three months, and thus look like a slightly meatier version of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

Why I'm Afraid of Ants

Myrmecophobia (from Greek: μύρμηξ, myrmex, "ant" and φόβος, phóbos, "fear") is the inexplicable fear of ants. It is a rather specific phobia. [...] This fear can manifest itself in several ways, such as a fear of ants contaminating a person's food supply, or fear of a home invasion by large numbers of ants. (From Wikipedia)

When I was about 10 years old I was playing in the yard of the house across the street from my grandmother's place. I was crawling under a fence when I noticed my hand was itching something fierce. Glancing down, I discovered I was leaning in an ant hill, and big-ass red ants were crawling up my arm and biting my tender childhood flesh.