Wednesday, August 4, 2021

ughhhh... (#IWSG August 2021)


I had hoped that today I would be announcing the release date for Gale Harbour Book 2. Actually, I really wanted to announce it last month, but this was my back-up deadline. Unfortunately, it's still not happening. 

It all had to come crashing down eventually.

The last year has been very positive for me, writing-wise. I published a book, wrote another, had four short stories appear in anthologies and magazines. I knew I had to keep the productivity ball rolling as long as I could, because once it went off the rails, that would be it.

I've felt like crap for weeks. The problem, of course, is the environment in which I'd been working for so long. In addition to the writing, real life has continued on. With the pandemic, the kids were doing school from home all last year. We've barely saw anyone or done anything. With restrictions changing constantly we're never sure what we're allowed or not allowed to do. The kids finally go to day camp, get the sniffles, then everyone freaks out - it's probably just a cold, but what if it's not? Even if they're fine, we tell everyone else in the family and people have to miss work and cancel plans if they self-isolate... It's all very stressful. Not to mention that camp was a reminder than our kids' social skills have taken a serious hit over the last sixteen months...

But back to the writing. Last year, I saw a moderate amount of success with Psycho Hose Beast From Outer Space. Enough that I made a bit of money that would cover an editor and cover designer for the sequel. Well, I finished the sequel and had my people lined up... and then realized the money wasn't there anymore. Life happens. Replacing every major appliance in the house over the last year certainly didn't help. Nor did repaying some employment insurance my wife received incorrectly several years ago, or paying for that camp where my kids got a cold, or a hundred other things. 

The realization that I don't have the money to publish my book the way I wanted to, on top of all the stress and exhaustion from everything else... and I'm just done. All of the excitement, all of the energy I've had the last year, it's all gone. I don't know what to do with myself. I open my manuscript and stare at it for awhile, but there's nothing I can do with it. I try to write other stuff and no words come. I played a game of D&D online with some friends a couple of weeks ago and it was the worst game I've run in years. I just have no energy, no imagination, no nothing.


I don't know if I'm burnt out, or depressed, or what. I'm struggling to do my day job, too. To do basic stuff around the house. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. All I want to do is nap and play video games. 

I try to tell myself to let it go, that it will pass. The book will come out eventually, the next one will get written. But it's hard to accept in the moment. I was really excited to get my book out by the fall, even though I have no deadlines besides those I made for myself. I also know there are plenty of people in way worse places than I am, so I feel guilty about feeling shitty. I'm basically making up reasons to feel sorry for myself now. 

OTHER NEWS...


I submitted Psycho Hose Beast From Outer Space to both the Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off (SPFBO) and the new Self-Published Science Fiction Competition (SPSFC). My book falls somewhere in between Fantasy and Sci-Fi, but since there isn't a Horror competition yet, I figured I would try them both and see what happens. Much like previous years I don't expect any major results, but the 2018 SPFBO did give me a small boost in sales and reviews for Hell Comes to Hogtown, so it's worth a shot.

I'll be out of town when this post goes live, so I may not respond to comments or visit many blogs this week. Hope everyone is well!

Hugs & Kisses,
-CDGK

EDIT: ...and I'm already cut from SPFBO. They said it was too sci-fi, which is fine. Except last year a sci-fi superhero book made it to the finals. It really all depends on which reviewer gets your book. Judging by this review, I doubt anyone even read mine.

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that you can't publish your book right now like you wanted, but life happens. It's more important that you're taking care of your family. And I had to replace all my appliances recently too, and it's very expensive. It sounds like you just need to take a break and get refreshed emotionally about life and your writing. That's okay. You will come back to your writing, and it's okay to take a break for a bit. Look at how long I had to take a break after the trauma of losing my husband. It's just a bump in the road.

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  2. Sorry your book is delayed.
    Sometimes adult life sucks. It's all right to feel down about it. Just know it will pass. Try doing something fun you haven't done in years and see what happens.

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  3. As someone who runs a day camp, I totally relate to that bit. My personal life did not change much, since I live a thousand miles from all my friends and family, but I definitely saw the change in everyone else, the kids especially. I also relate to the depressing delay. It sounds like you have a lot of good writing in the pipeline and I refuse to believe it will be in a slump forever!

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  4. Hi,
    I hope you find your way back to feeling comfortable with yourself so that you can get back into your writing.
    All the best.

    Shalom aleichem,
    Pat G @ EverythingMustChange

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  5. Damn. Sounds like stress has done a number on you. Sorry to hear about everything piling up. That really sucks. I feel your pain with the kids and not knowing and the lack of socialization. It's hell. I hope things improve, and that you make it further in the SPSFC.

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  6. It kind sounds like whoever wrote that little consensus for your book didn't like the term psycho hose beast and was offended by it. =\

    Sorry to hear about book 2, as you know, I've been looking forward to it.

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  7. Ugh. Sorry you're in a slump. FWIW, I adored Psycho Hose Beast from Outer Space. I look forward to Book 2 when it finally appears.

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  8. Dang, I'm sorry to hear that the momentum is gone and you are feeling so crappy. I've been there--feeling depressed and then more depressed because I don't "have the right." Bullshit. Your feelings are real. I just hope you can find some joy again.

    I can recommend Chrys Fey's writing books, on overcoming writer's block (including being a writer with depression).

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  9. Hi, CD! I'm sorry that you are going through a difficult time. I absolutely loved "Psycho Hose Beast From Outer Space," and I am looking forward to the sequel when you get it published. I think a lot of people are flat out exhausted from the past 16-18 months, especially parents working at home with children. And children ~ OMG, what they've been through, and how worried you must be about yours! Honestly, I don't know how you've done it. Cut yourself some slack, wallow a little (You've earned it!), and know that talent like yours doesn't disappear. It will simmer and burst out again. I knows you're not stunned, b'y!

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  10. I think there's a whole ebb and flow to this thing (writing and life.) Sometimes I'm on top of the world inspired, and know I can conquer ANYTHING and other times I'm but a wee snail, hoping to not get squished. I'm sorry you're in the valley currently. You won't be there forever. Just keep going forward. Day by day. Breath by breath. You'll get there.

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  11. This is when you need to step back and there is nothing wrong with that. It has been a tough year and your income decreased plus you had to pay back EI amidst a lower income and expenses increasing. Dealing with the school system and daycare for the kids is just another added stress so you need to cut yourself some slack. If you find you are staying put, you may want to talk to your dr. Just know you have been through a lot this past year from the sounds of it. It’s ok to feel stressed and icky, we can’t always be chipper and ready to go. This will pass...

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  12. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. If I can help, or you just want to chat about burnout and/or depression, don't hesitate to reach out.

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