February, month of despair, / with a skewered heart in the centre. (#IWSG February 2026)

I will try to keep this month's post a bit lighter than last month's mid-life/existential crisis. No promises, but I'll try.

I'm still writing - I came up with a project for myself and gave myself a deadline, that always seems to help me get motivated. Even if I rarely make the initial goal, at least it's something to work towards. I also joined a soccer team! I still suck, but it's an excuse to get out of the house once a week, meet people and get exercise. We played one game so far (which we lost 4-2, but at most only 2 of those goals were my fault) and I fell and scraped the hell out of my knee on the AstroTurf. Now my leg looks like ground meat and I think it's infected. Can you imagine what's growing on that stuff? Indoors, with thousands of feet running on it all the time, and I can't imagine it's ever cleaned in any way. My daughter's team plays/practices on turf like 3 times a week, I can't believe more of those kids don't have flesh-eating disease.

Anyway, assuming my leg doesn't fall off, I'll be back at it next week.

I think there was a question this month, what was it?

February Question

Many writers have written about the experience of rereading their work years later. Have you reread any of your early works? What was that experience like for you?

I have re-read my old work from time to time, and generally speaking, it's terrible.

I think that's a good thing. That means I'm getting better, and I feel my writing has improved and matured over time.

When I was 15, a lot of what I wrote was copied or rehashed from other books and stories that I liked. I don't think that's a bad thing, I think when anyone starts out, they need to emulate someone they admire before they learn their own voice. Friends and teachers raved about how great a writer I was, but reading it now I just see it as juvenile and derivative. I suppose it still must have been better than what my classmates were doing.

When I was 25, my writing was wild and all over the place. This was definitely the period when I had the most energy and wrote the most (it was right around here I completed a manuscript for the 3-Day Novel Challenge, and I wrote another book in about 19 days). I tried different styles and genres, wrote weird stream-of-consciousness stuff, fake autobiographies, all kinds of dumb shit. Looking back, my writing was probably cleaner and better at 15 than 25, but I had to go through this phase to figure myself out.

At 35, I started my self-publishing career. My first book, Ten Thousand Days, was actually based on the manuscript from the 3-day novel contest, and it was crap. The next book, Hell Comes to Hogtown, was significantly better. Still cringy, when I go back and read it now, but I think I was starting to finally find my voice. I went back and almost completely re-wrote Ten Thousand Days a year later, which I think improved it immensely, and is the version that's still available now. I wish that the was version I had originally published, but I had to go through this phase to find my style and voice and figure out what I was doing. 

Now, at 45, I have five published books under my belt, including a completed trilogy, and I think I'm finally starting to figure out what I'm doing. The Gale Harbour series has its ups and downs, but overall its been well received and I think I mostly accomplished what I set out to do. I think it has a nuance and maturity that my earlier works certainly did not. When I set out to write now I have much clearer goals in mind: I'm more mindful of the plot and characters, so I am much less wasteful of words. I think that's a good way to put it actually, I'm more efficient in my writing. I only have so much time and energy for writing, I have to make it count.

Where will I be at 55? I'll probably look back at what I'm doing now and think it was crap, too, which hopefully means I will have improved even more by then. Of course my writing will change and evolve as I get older, because I change and evolve. I'm not the same person I was when I was 15, 25 or even 35, so why would my writing be the same?

Anyway.

It seems 2026 is turning out to be my year of introspection. Getting old will do that to you, I suppose. Hopefully I'll finally figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Hugs and Kisses,
-CDGK

The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group at http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com