Thursday, November 26, 2015

BLACK FRIDAY SALE: Ten Thousand Days 50% Off


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Please don't trample anyone this holiday season.

Look, you don't even have to leave your house okay?  If you want a good deal, I can hook you up. I've got a couple of fun, funny stories you can download RIGHT NOW at a great price and you can even pick them up from the comfort of your toilet if you want.

First of all, my debut novella TEN THOUSAND DAYS is available on SMASHWORDS for 50% Off:



It's been described as "Alice in Wonderland with the dial turned up to 11." and "A fast-paced fun romp through a twisted imagination."  Ten Thousand Days is a fairy tale set in the modern day, a fantastic journey of desperate love and horror with a twisted sense of humour. It's a story of exactly how far a young man will go for love...


Make sure to use the following Coupon Code at check-out to get your 50% off:



Plus, I've got another bonus offer. I know I gave this story away for free just a month for Halloween, but in case you missed it, TENTACLES UNDER A FULL MOON is again available for FREE for today only:




TENTACLES UNDER A FULL MOON is a comic dark fantasy short story of hilarious misery. It's a tragic tale of terrestrial cephalopods, ursine lycanthropes and explosive volcano drake diarrhea. It's SUGGESTED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES as it contains coarse language, violence and candid descriptions of the genitalia of various fantasy races.


Happy Holidays, everyone!

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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

GUEST POST: The Undead Road by David Powers King


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Today I'm turning the blog over to Mr. David Powers King (no relation to yours truly) to reveal his awesome-looking new Zombie novel! I gotta say, I'm kinda disappointed this one won't be coming out until the New Year, cause I love me some flesh-devouring undead over the holidays.

So without further ado, take it away, David!


THE BOOK!
Nothing brings the family together like a zombie apocalypse …

Fifteen-year-old Jeremy Barnes would rather watch a zombie movie than shoot a real one, but he has no choice if his family wants to survive the end of the world. Their plan? Drive across the infected United States to a cabin in the Colorado Rockies without a scratch, but their trip takes a complicated detour in the middle of Nebraska when they find Kaylynn, a girl who can handle a baseball bat better than Jeremy can hold a .45 Berretta. And when they stumble into a sanctuary, Jeremy soon learns that Kaylynn is stronger than she looks—a deadly secret lies inside her.

After the radio picks up a distress call from Kansas City about a possible cure, Jeremy’s parents go with a team to investigate. They never return. The only way to find their parents is for Jeremy and his sister Jewel to rely on a dangerous girl who might just turn on them at any moment.

THE DETAILS!
Title: The Undead Road: My Zombie Summer: Part 1
Publisher: CreateSpace / Dashboard Books
Ebook Release: January 1st, 2016
Paperback: January 26th, 2016
Cover by Steven Novak

THE CONTEST!
Awesome! I'm already a god in one of Philip Overby's books. Now maybe I can
be a zombie in this one! - CDGK
A while ago, David invited the blogosphere to let him turn one unfortunate lucky contestant into a zombie for The Undead Road. The winner was Ilima Todd, who is now the awesome author of Remake. The next installment of My Zombie Summer is underway, and David wants to do this contest again. Want to be in a zombie book? Not only is this your chance, but it is your choice!

Between now and next Wednesday, send an email to dpowersking [at] gmail [dot] com, with the subject line: Zombify Me! Contest. In your email, David wants you to tell him three things:

1: The name you will be identified as (example: your first name).
2: A description of yourself—the more detailed you are, the better.
3: How would you like the survivors to put you out of your misery?

Four casualties contestants will be chosen on Wednesday, November 25th. The most inventive or interesting entry will be zombified! The other three who are unlucky fortunate enough to survive will be given special honors. Winners will be announced on December 2nd on David’s blog.

Prizes? The winner will be zombified in the pages of My Zombie Summer: Part Two, receive a signed proof of the novel (when it’s ready), and a $20 Barnes and Noble gift card. The runner ups will receive a free ebook of The Undead Road for their Kindle (other platforms TBA).

Thank you for participating, and good luck!

THE AUTHOR!
You can tell he's not related to me from that awesome jawline. - CDGK
David Powers King was born in beautiful downtown Burbank, California where his love for film inspired him to be a writer. He is the co-author of the YA fantasy novel WOVEN, published by Scholastic. An avid fan of science fiction and fantasy, David also has a soft spot for zombies and the paranormal. He currently lives deep in the mountain West with his wife and three children.



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Monday, November 9, 2015

How to Write a Classic Story: Buy a Bear


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"Left Port Arthur 7 a.m. In train all day. Bought bear $20."

That's an actual entry in the diary of Harry Colebourn, a Canadian soldier from Winnipeg who was travelling to Valcartier, Quebec to undergo training on his way overseas in 1914. He bought the female bear cub from a hunter who had killed the animal's mother. Now, Colebourn was a veterinarian by trade and I could absolutely understand him wanting to take the animal from some weirdo random hunter, but he then proceeded to take the bear with him to training camp.

Even better, when Colebourn shipped out to England... HE STILL KEPT THE BEAR. It became his unit's unofficial mascot.

I've never served in the military and I don't know a whole lot about army practices and regulations, even less about those in effect during World War I, but I had no idea they were so cool about their soldiers keeping giant wild animals as pets. I mean, were people back then so badass that no one was worried about A FUCKING BEAR wandering around their base? And no one thought it was odd when the dude brought the thing with him ACROSS THE OCEAN to hang out with him in England? I mean, I would imagine if a soldier asked to bring his dog with him that would be a flat-out no. But a bear's okay?

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this and what this has to do with writing, so stick with me a moment (if you haven't figured it out already).

Colebourn wasn't a complete jerk; when he shipped out to France he finally decided to leave the bear behind. Apparently the trenches at the front line were not the place for a bear cub, though I'm sure if she had been full grown they would have slapped some armour on that bastard and brought it along.

Way deadlier than any WWI-era tank.
He left the bear at the London Zoo, where it became a favourite of guests, in particular to an aspiring writer and his young son, who loved the bear so much he named his teddy after her. Did I mention that Colebourn had named the bear "Winnie" after his hometown of Winnipeg? It all makes sense now, right?

A.A. Milne wrote the Winnie the Pooh books for his son, Christopher Robin, based on his toy bear that was in turn named after a real bear that Major Colebourn irresponsibly dragged halfway around the world.

(For anyone who caught that, yes Colebourn was eventually promoted to the rank of major despite  - or maybe because of? - the fact he irresponsibly dragged a bear halfway around the world.)

So what is was my point in this ridiculous story? My point is that A.A. Milne became famous because some dipshit bought a gawd-dang bear off a crazy hillbilly in a small town in backwater Ontario. That, my friends, is the secret to literary gold. Ursine trafficking.

Being super creepy-looking apparently also helps.
So if you too are an aspiring writer, if anyone ever offers to sell you an orphan bear cub, snatch that up right away and wait for your book deals to start pouring in.

Or, alternately, I'll become famous writing about you getting eaten by a bear. Either way, someone wins.

My new story Tentacles Under a Full Moon - now available here - doesn't have anything to do with Winnie the Pooh, but it does contain a giant murderous werebear, which is probably much better.
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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

IWSG November: It's a Spectrum


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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Writers post their thoughts on their blogs, talking about their doubts and the fears they have conquered. It's a chance for writers to commiserate and offer a word of encouragement to each other. Check out the group here.

You may recall from last month I was feeling pretty good and hyped about writing. Actually, I'm sure you don't remember, but you can read about it here, if you like. Anyway, some of that luster has come off in the last 30 days. I'm not saying I've switched a full 180-degrees and am now wallowing in self-loathing, insecurity and depression, but I've definitely slipped a few notches on the excitement spectrum.

Editing on Hell Comes to Hogtown has not progressed as well as I had hoped thanks to normal life busy-ness. I have done quite a bit of work outlining my next projects, which is a good thing, but neither are quite ready to be dived into yet. I was hoping I would be farther along with all of those things, especially Hogtown, by now, but it was not meant to be.

I am not participating in NaNoWriMo. I'm in a pretty good place with reasonable writing habits so I don't need it for that reason, and I don't need to do it to prove anything. I know I can write 50,000 words in a month, and I don't need to do it right now. Pushing myself to try would just be unnecessary stress. Right now I'm in revising/outlining mode, which for me is much harder than racking up word count. I don't need a special month as an excuse to vomit words into my computer. I am quite capable of literary regurgitation, thank you very much.

This is what writing is like for everyone, right?

So good luck and godspeed to all my fellow writers out there, but know I will be watching you from the sidelines this year.

The one thing that saved the month for me and put a little boost back into my step was the release of Tentacles Under a Full Moon on October 31. I didn't mention it during last month's IWSG post because at the time I had no idea when or if I was would actually put it out. It was the story I wrote as a joke in response to an episode of The Grim Tidings Podcast (which, if you're a fantasy fan you should totally be listening to). I thought it turned out pretty well though, and I needed something for the Halloween blog hops I had signed up for - thanks again to Patricia Lynne and Wittegen Press for setting those up - so I hired someone to do a quick edit on it, slapped on cover on that baby and made it available to the world.

I actually got more downloads of the story in 2 days that I've got of Ten Thousand Days in almost 6 months, but to be fair it WAS free (though 3 people bought it, for some crazy reason). It's now available for only 99 cents US pretty much anywhere ebooks are sold, but if you want a review copy let me know and I'll hook you up. So far the only feedback I've received is that it's "crude," "funny," "weird," and "depressing." For the record those are all things I was going for, so I take those as compliments.

Available at:
and more!

Just to clarify, the story IS NOT tentacle porn (mostly). It's what I call "grimlark," that is, comic dark fantasy. It is crude, weird, funny and depressing. It's about a werebear fighting a land octopus (which is right on the cover!) and features filthy dwarves, pervert wizards, foul language and Greek-levels of tragedy. It's certainly not everyone' cup of tea, but if you like explosive volcano drake diarrhea and candid discussions about the genitalia of elves and dwarves, it's worth checking out.

So yeah, all-in-all, I'm feeling okay, and I would feel even better if you check out my story. ;-)
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